口语.docx
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口语.docx
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口语
[TranscribedbyDave(ratboy)]
Writtenby:
ElainePope&LarryCharles
Episodeno.33
pc:
317,season3,episode17
Broadcastdate:
February5,1992
TheCast
Regulars:
JerrySeinfeld...................JerrySeinfeld
JasonAlexander..................GeorgeCostanza
JuliaLouis-Dreyfus..............ElaineBenes
MichaelRichards.................CosmoKramer
GuestStars:
MaggieJakobson..................Cynthia
Openingmonologue.
Itellya,Ineverreallyunderstoodtheimportanceoftheconductor.Imean
betweenyouandme,whatthehellisthisguydoing?
Doyoureallyneed
somebodywavingastickinyourfacetoplaytheviolin?
Doesthatreallyhelp
youout?
Icouldseehowweneedhimatthebeginning.Okay,tap-tap-tap,
start.Okay,Icanseehowyouneedthat.Butoncewe'regoing,okay,once
it'sallhappening,whatdoweneedhimforthen?
Idon'tseethecellist
lookingup,go,"I'mconfused.Idon'tknowwhattodo.Idon'tknowwhatto
do."Andtheconductorgoes,"Dothis.Likethis""Oh,okay,thankyouvery
much."
Firstscene.
JerryandGeorgeareseatedatatableinarestaurant.
George:
Whyeventryanymore?
There'snosensetoit.I'mnevergonnameet
anybody,Ishouldjustacceptit.
Jerry:
Oh,yesyouwill.
George:
No,Iwon't.
Jerry:
Yeah,maybeyouwon't.
George:
Imeanit'shardenoughtomeetawomanyoudislike,muchlesslike.
Jerry:
Aremynostrilsgettingbigger?
George:
No.Whymustitbesodifficult?
Whyisthereallthistensionand
hostility?
Whycan'tIjustwalkuptoawomanonthestreetandsay,"Hi.I'm
George.Howareyou?
"Isthatsoterrible?
Justthenabeautifulwomanwalkspasttheirtable,Georgeoffersupameek'Hi'
whichthewomanignoresasshepassed.Georgethensays'Hi'afewmoretimes
ashereachesforanddrinksfromhiswaterglass,asthoughwewassayingthat
anywayandithadnothingtodowiththewoman.(Funniertowatchthanread.)
Newscene.
Elaineandafriend,Cynthia,areseatedatatableinanotherrestaurant.
Cynthia:
There'sjustnomenoutthere,youknow?
Elaine:
Iknow.
Cynthia:
Imeantheproblemisthatthegoodonesknowthey'regood.Andthey
knowthey'reinsuchdemandthey'rejustnotinterestedinconfiningthemselves
tooneperson.
Elaine:
Ihatethegoodones.
Cynthia:
IsJerryoneofthegoodones?
Elaine:
That'sagoodquestion,Ithinkhethinksheis.
Cynthia:
Well,themediocreonesareavailable,butthey'resoinsecureabout
notbeingoneofthegoodonesthatthey'realwaysgoing,"WellI'mnotgood
enoughforyou,whatareyoudoingwithme?
"andeventuallyIjustgo,"You're
right."
Elaine:
Youknow,maybeyouneedsomebodybetweengoodandmediocre.
Cynthia:
No,maybeIneedsomebodywhohasnothing,somebodywhojusthasto
appreciatebeingwithmebecausehe'ssodesperate.
CutbacktoGeorgeandJerry,Georgeiseatingsloppily.
George:
Imeanit'sgottentothepointwhereI'mflirtingwithoperatorson
thephone.Ialmostmadeadatewithone.
Jerry:
Oh,sothere'sstillhope.
George:
Idon'twanthope.Hopeiskillingme.Mydreamistobecome
hopeless.Whenyou'rehopeless,youdon'tcare,andwhenyoudon'tcare,that
indifferencemakesyouattractive.
Jerry:
Oh,sohopelessnessisthekey.
George:
It'smyonlyhope.
CutbacktoElaineandCynthia.
Cynthia:
See,Iwouldn'treallymindsomuch,butIfeelbadlyformymother.
Imean,ifmymotherweren'taround,itwouldn'tbesobad.But,I'mtelling
you,ifI'mnotmarriedbythetimeI'mforty,I'mgonnahavetokillher
becauseit'stheonlyfairthingtodo.Ijustcouldn'tputherthroughthat.
Elaine:
Well,atleastyou'renotbitter.
Cynthia:
WhosaysI'mnotbitter?
Elaine:
Aren'tyoutooyoungtobebitter?
Cynthia:
No,youcanbeyoungandbitter,justmaybenotasbitterasI'mgonna
betenyearsfromnow,butI'mbitter.Anyway,don'ttellanyone.
Elaine:
Don'tworry,yourbitternessissafewithme.
Cynthia:
Um,ordermeapieceofcake.I'mgonnagothrowup.
Newscene.
JerryandElainearereadingthenewspaperatJerry'sapartment.
Jerry:
Lookatmyhands.Look.Filthyfromthepaper.Youknow,theyshould
giveyouaWet-napwhenyoubuyone,likeatthoseribjoints.
Elaine:
Sowhat'dyoudolastnight?
Jerry:
WentoutwithGeorge,you?
Elaine:
WentoutwithCynthia.
Jerry:
Howwasit?
What'dyoutalkabout?
Elaine:
Well,youknow,theusual;TheFederalReserve,therainforest.
Cynthiathoughtweshouldnuketherainforest,youknow,getridofitinone
fellswoopsowecanatleasteliminateitasasubjectofconversation.What
aboutyou?
Jerry:
Webrushedonthat.Actually,Georgewasinrareform.Hejustcan't
findanybody.
Elaine:
Iknow,Cynthiatoo.She'sreallygivenup.
Jerry:
Georgetoo.
Theylookateachotherforamoment.
JerryandElaine(together):
Yeah,right.
Jerry:
I'veneverfixedanybodyup.
Elaine:
Uh,meneitherandIamnotabouttostartwithGeorge.
Jerry:
Wellwhywouldn'tyoustartwithGeorge?
Youthinkshe'stoogoodfor
George?
Elaine:
Ididn'tsay'toogood',didIsay'toogood'?
Jerry:
Wellyouimpliedit.
Elaine:
Ididn'tsayit.
Jerry:
Becauseifyouthinkshe'stoogoodforGeorge,youaredeadwrong.
Deadwrong.Whoisshe?
Elaine:
Whoishe?
Jerry:
He'sGeorge!
Elaine:
She'sCynthia!
Jerry:
Sowhat?
Elaine:
What,youdon'tthinkshe'sbeautiful?
Jerry:
Idon'tknow,what'swiththeeyebrows?
Elaine:
Youknowwhatyourproblemis?
Yourstandardsaretoohigh.
Jerry:
Iwentoutwithyou.
Elaine:
That'sbecausemystandardsaretoolow.Andbytheway,youknow,
womenkillforeyebrowslikethat.Doyouknowthat?
Imeanwomenplucktheir
realeyebrowsoutoftheirhead,onebyone,untilthey'rebald,Jerry.Bald
abovetheeyes!
Andthentheypaintintheseeyebrowstolooklikethat.
Jerry:
WellletmetellyousomethingaboutGeorge.Heisfast.Hecanrun
likethewind.Andhe'sstrong.I'veseenhimliftahundredpoundsoverhis
headwithoutevenknowingit.Andyouwouldn'tknowittolookathim,but
Georgecanbaitahook.
Elaine:
Hecanreallydothat?
Jerry:
Comeon,let'sdoit,Ithinkthey'llreallygetalong.
Elaine:
What,areyouintothis?
Jerry:
Yeah,comeon,it'sagoodmatch.
Elaine:
No,waitaminute,waitaminute.They'regonnabetellingushow
theirdateswent.Arewegonnasharethatinformation?
Jerry:
Naturally.
Elaine:
Well,waitaminute,we'regonnatelleachothereverything,Imean
everysecret?
Jerry:
Everything.
Elaine:
Whatifitworkedout?
Jerry(dialing):
Yeahright.
Newscene.
JerryandGeorgeareinJerry'sapartment.
George:
Outofthequestion.Outofthequestion!
Jerry:
Why?
George:
No!
I'mnotgonnadothat!
That'sonestepawayfrompersonalads!
Andprostitutes!
No!
No,Iamnotgoingdownthatroad!
Whatdoesshelook
like?
Jerry:
She'sgoodlooking.
George:
Howgoodlooking?
Jerry:
Verygoodlooking.
George:
Reallygoodlooking?
Jerry:
Reallyverygoodlooking.
George:
Wouldyoutakeherout?
Jerry:
Yes,Iwouldtakeherout.
George:
Oh,youhesitated.
Jerry:
Whathesitate?
Ididn'thesitate!
George:
No,something'soffhere,youhesitated.
Jerry:
I'mtellingyou,she'sgoodlooking.
George:
Whataboutthebody,whatkindofbody?
Jerry:
Goodbody,nicebody.
George:
Hownice?
Jerry:
Nice.
George:
Justnice?
Jerry:
Prettynice.
George:
Reallygood?
Jerry:
Reallyveryniceandgood.
George:
Whataboutpersonality?
Jerry:
Goodpersonality.Funny.Bright.
George:
Smarterthanme?
Idon'twantanyonesmarterthanme.
Jerry:
Howcouldshebesmarterthanyou?
George:
Alright,let'ssee,let'ssee.Whatelse.Whatelse.Ohyeah,what
doesshedo?
Newscene.
ElaineandCynthiaarehavingasimilardiscussion.
Cynthia:
Firstofall,whatdoeshedo?
Elaine:
Hewasinrealestate,um,now,he'snotworkingrightnow-
Cynthia:
He'snotworking?
!
Howcomehe'snotworking?
Elaine:
Well,um,he,hegotfired.
Cynthia:
Whydidhegetfired?
Elaine:
Uh.Why?
Oh,right.Um,well,hetriedtopoisonhisboss.
Cynthia:
Excuseme?
Elaine:
Suchalongstory,Cynthia,seriously,Imeanhejusthadsomeproblems
atwork.
Cynthia:
Ishenuts?
Elaine:
No,no,no,he'sareallyreallyfunnyguy.
Cynthia:
Whatdoeshelooklike?
Elaine:
Pardon?
Cynthia:
Whatdoeshelooklike?
Elaine:
Um,well,he'sgotalotofcharacterinhisface.Um,he'sshort.
Um,he'sstocky.
Cynthia:
Fat.Isthatwhatyou'resaying,thathe'sfat?
Elaine:
Powerful.Heissopowerful,hecanliftahundredpoundsrightup
overhishead.Andum,whatelse.Whatelse.Oh,right.Um,well,he'skind
of,justkindoflosinghishair.
Cynthia:
He'sbald?
Elaine:
No!
No,no,no,he'snotbald.He'sbalding.
Cynthia:
Sohewillbebald.
Elaine:
Yup.
CutbacktoJerryandGeorge.
George:
Whatkindofhair?
Jerry:
Youknow,longdarkhair.
George:
Flowing?
Jerry:
Flowing?
George:
Isitflowing?
Ilikeflowing,cascadinghair.Thicklustroushairis
veryimportanttome.
Jerry:
'Thicklustroushairisveryimportanttome,'isthatwhatyousaid?
George:
Yeah,that'sright.
Jerry:
Justclarifying.
George:
Letmeaskyouthis.Ifyoustickyourhandinthehairisiteasyto
getitout?
Jerry:
Doyouwanttobeabletogetitoutordoyouwanttonotbeableto
getitout?
George:
I'dliketobeabletogetitout.
Jerry:
Ithinkyou'llgetitout.
George:
Whatabouttheskin?
Ineedagoodcheek,Ilikeagoodcheek.
Jerry:
She'sgotafinecheek.
George:
Isthereapinkishhue?
Jerry:
Apinkishhue?
George:
Yes,arosyglow.
Jerry:
There'sahue.She'sgotgreateyebrows,womenkilltohaveher
eyebrows.
George:
Whocaresabouteyebrows?
Isshesweet?
Ilikesweet.Butnottoo
sweet,youcouldthrowupfromthat.
Jerry:
Idon'tthinkyou'llthrowup.*She*likestothrowup.
Cutbackto
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