16What You Pawn I Will Redeem.docx
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16What You Pawn I Will Redeem.docx
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16WhatYouPawnIWillRedeem
PassageSixteen
ShermanAlexie
b.1966
WhilemostofhismemorablecharactersareNativeAmericans,AlexiechallengesthetypicalmythsaboutIndiansthatarestillabundanttoday.Forexample,inresponsetothepopularbeliefthatNativeAmericanshaveanaturalorspecialconnectiontotheland,thatthey’renaturallyenvironmentalists,hedescribesgrowingupwith“auntsandunclesandcousinsthrowingcansoutthewindow.”ManywritersproduceIndianliterature,heexplains,bythrowingin“acoupleofbirdsandfourdirectionsandcornpollen.”Incontrast,Alexiewantstowriteabout“thedailylivesofIndians,”whicharenotasromanticasthemythswouldhaveusbelieve.“WhatYouPawnIWillRedeem”wasfirstpublishedinTheNewYorkerin2003andlaterthatyearinacollectioncalledTenLittleIndians.
WhatYouPawnIWillRedeem
Noon
1.Onedayyouhaveahomeandthenextdayyoudon’t,butI’mnotgoingtotellyoumyparticularreasonsforbeinghomeless,becauseit’smysecretstory,andIndianshavetoworkhardtokeepsecretsfromhungrywhitefolks.
2.I’maSpokaneIndianboy,anInteriorSalish,andmypeoplehavelivedwithinahundred-mileradiusofSpokane,movedtoSeattletwenty-treeyearsagoforcollege,flunkedoutaftertwosemesters,workedvariousblue-and-bluer-collarjobs,marriedtwoorthreetimes,fatheredtwoorthreekids,andthenwentcrazy.Ofcourse,crazyisnottheofficialdefinitionofmymentalproblem,butIdon’tthinkasocialdisorderfitsit,either,becausethatmakesmesoundlikeI’maserialkillerorsomething.I’veneverhurtanotherhumanbeing,or,atleast,notphysically,I’vebrokenafewheartsinmytime,butwe’vealldonethat,soI’mnothingspecialinthatregard.I’maboringheartbreaker,too.Ineverdatedormarriedmorethanonewomanatatime.Ididn’tbreakheartsintopiecesovernight.Ibrokethemslowlyandcarefully.AndIdidn’tsetanyland-speedrecordsrunningoutthedoor.Piecebypiece,Idisappeared.I’vebeendisappearingeversince.
3.I’vebeenhomelessforsixyearsnow.Ifthere’ssuchathingasaneffectivehomelessman,thenIsupposeI’meffective.BeinghomelessisprobablytheonlythingI’veeverbeengoodat.Iknowwheretogetthebestfreefood.I’vemadefriendswithrestaurantandconveniencestoremanagerswholetmeusetheirbathrooms.AndIdon’tmeanthepublicbathrooms,either.Imeantheemployees’bathrooms,thecleanoneshiddenbehindthekitchenorthepantryorthecooler.Iknowitsoundsstrangetobeproudofthis,butitmeansalottome,beingtrustworthyenoughtopissinsomebodyelse’scleanbathroom.Maybeyoudon’tunderstandthevalueofacleanbathroom,butIdo.
4.Probablynoneofthisinterestsyou.HomelessIndiansareeverywhereinSeattle.We’recommonandboring,andyouwalkrightonbyus,withmaybealookofangerordisgustorevensadnessattheterriblefateofthenoblesavage.Butwehavedreamsandfamilies.I’mfriendswithahomelessPlainsIndianmanwhosesonistheeditorofabigtimenewspaperbackeast.Ofcourse,that’shisstory,butweIndiansaregreatstorytellersandliarsandmythmakers,somaybethatPlainsIndianhoboisjustaplainoldeverydayIndian.I’mkindofsuspiciousofhim,becauseheintensifieshimselfonlyasPlainsIndian,agenericterm,andnotbeaspecifictribe.WhenIaskedhimwhyhewouldn’ttellmeexactlywhatheis,hesaid,“Doanyofusknowexactlywhatweare?
”Yeah,great,aphilosophizingIndian.“Hey,”Isaid,“yougottohaveahometobethathomely.”Hejustlaughedandflippedmetheeagleandwalkedaway.
5.Iwanderthestreetswitharegularcrew—myteammates,mydefenders,myposse.It’sRoseofSharon,Junior,andme.Wemattertooneanotherifwedon’tmattertoanybodyelse.RoseofSharonisabigwoman,aboutsevenfeettallifyou’remeasuringoveralleffectandaboutfivefeettallifyou’reonlytalkingaboutthephysical.She’saYakamaIndianoftheWishramvariety.JuniorisaColville,butthereareabout199tribesthatmakeuptheColville,sohecouldbeanything.He’sgood-looking,though,likehejuststeppedoutofsome“Don’tLittertheEarth”publicserviceadvertisement.He’sgotthosegreatbigcheekbonesthatarelikeplanets,youknow,withlittlemoonsorbitingthem.Hegetsmejealous,jealous,andjealous.IfyouputmeandJuniornexttoeachother,he’stheBeforeColumbusArrivedIndianandI’mtheAfterColumbusArrivedIndia.IamlivingproofofthehorribledamagethatcolonialismhasdonetousSkins.ButI’mnotgoingtoletyouknowhowscaredIsometimesgetofhistoryanditsways.I’mastrongman,andknowthatsilenceisthebestmethodofdealingwithwhitefolks.
6.Thiswholestoryreallystartedatlunchtime,whenRoseofSharon,Junior,andIwerepanningthehandledownatPikePlaceMarket.Afterabouttwohoursofnegotiating,weearnedfivedollars—goodenoughforabottleoffortifiedcouragefromthemostbeautiful7-Elevenintheworld.Soweheadedoverthatway,feelinglikewarriordrunks,andwewalkedpastthispawnshopI’dnevernoticedbefore.Andthatwasstrange,becauseweIndianshavebuilt-inpawnshopradar.Butthestrangestthingofallwastheoldpowwow-danceregaliaIsawhanginginthewindow.
7.“That’smygrandmother’sregalia,”IsaidtoRoseofSharonandJunior.
8.“Howyouknowforsure?
”Juniorasked.
9.Ididn’tknowforsure,becauseIhadn’tseenthatregaliainpersonever.I’donlyseenphotographsofmygrandmotherdancinginit.Andthoseweretakenbeforesomebodystoleitfromher,fiftyyearsago.Butitsurelookedlikemymemoryofit,andithadallthesamecolorfeathersandbeadsthatmyfamilysewedintoourpowwowregalia.
10.“There’sonlyonewaytoknowforsure,”Isaid.
11.SoRoseofSharon,Junior,andIwalkedintothepawnshopandgreetedtheoldwhitemanworkingbehindthecounter.
12.“HowcanIhelpyou?
”heasked.
13.“That’smygrandmother’spowwowregaliainyourwindow,”Isaid.“Somebodystoleitfromherfiftyyearsago,andmyfamilyhasbeensearchingforiteversince.”
14.ThepawnbrokerlookedatmelikeIwasaliar.Iunderstood.Pawnshopsarefilledwithliars.
15.“I’mnotlying,”Isaid.“Askmyfriendshere.They’lltellyou.”
16.“He’sthemosthonestIndianIknow,”RoseofSharonsaid.
17.“Allright,honestIndian,”thepawnbrokersaid.“I’llgiveyouthebenefitofdoubt.Canyouproveit’syourgrandmother’sregalia?
”
18.Becausetheydon’twanttobeperfect,becauseonlyGodisperfect,Indianpeoplesewflawsintotheirpowwowregalia.Myfamilyalwayssewedoneyellowbeadsomewhereonourregalia.Butwealwayshiditsothatyouhadtosearchreallyhardtofindit.
19.“Ifitreallyismygrandmother’s,”Isaid,“therewillbeoneyellowbeadhiddensomewhereonit.”
20.“Allright,then,”thepawnbrokersaid.“Let’stakealook.”
21.Hepulledtheregaliaoutofthewindow,laiditdownontheglasscounter,andwesearchedforthatyellowbeadandfoundithiddenbeneaththearmpit.
22.“Thereitis,”thepawnbrokersaid.Hedidn’tsoundsurprised.“Youwereright.Thisisyourgrandmother’sregalia.”
23.“It’sbeenmissingforfiftyyears,”Juniorsaid.
24.“Hey,Junior,”Isaid.“It’smyfamily’sstory.Letmetellit.”
25.“Allright,”hesaid.“Iapologize.Yougoahead.”
26.“It’sbeenmissingforfiftyyears,”Isaid.
27.“That’shisfamily’ssadstory,”RoseofSharonsaid.“Areyougoingtogiveitbacktohim?
”
28.“Thatwouldbetherightthingtodo,”thepawnbrokersaid.“ButIcan’taffordtodotherightthing.Ipaidathousanddollarsforthis.Ican’tjustgiveawayathousanddollars.”
29.“Wecouldgotothecopsandtellthemitwasstolen,”RoseofSharonsaid.
30.“Hey,”Isaidtoher.“Don’tgothreateningpeople.”
31.Thepawnbrokersighed.Hewasthinkingaboutthepossibilities.
32.“Well,Isupposeyoucouldgotothecops,”hesaid.“ButIdon’tthinkthey’dbelieveawordyousaid.”
33.Hesoundedsadaboutthat.Asifhewassorryfortakingadvantageofourdisadvantages.
34.“What’syourname?
”thepawnbrokeraskedme.
35.“Jackson,”Isaid.
36.“Isthatfirstorlast?
”
37.“Both,”Isaid.
38.“Areyouserious?
”
39.“Yes,it’strue.MymotherandfathernamedmeJacksonJackson.MyfamilynicknameisJacksonSquared.Myfamilyisfunny.”
40.“Allright,JacksonJackson,”thepawnbrokersaid.“Youwouldn’thappentohaveathousanddollars,wouldyou?
”
41.“We’vegotfivedollarstotal,”Isaid.
42.“That’stoobad,”hesaid,andthoughthardaboutthepossibilities.“I’dsellittoyouforathousanddollarsifyouhadit.Heck,tomakeitfair,I’dsellittoyouforninehundredandninety-ninedollars.I’dloseadollar.Thatwouldbethemoralthingtodointhiscase.Toloseadollarwouldbetherightthing.”
43.“We’vegotfivedollarstotal,”Isaidagain.
44.“That’stoobad,”hesaidoncemore,andthoughtharderaboutthepossibilities.“Howaboutthis?
I’llgiveyoutwenty-fourhourstocomeupwithninehundredandninety-ninedollars.YoucomebackhereatlunchtimetomorrowwiththemoneyandI’llsellitbacktoyou.Howdoesthatsound?
”
45.“Itsoundsallright,”Isaid.
46.“Allright,then,”hesaid.“Wehaveadeal.AndI’llgetyoustarted.Here’stwentybucks.”
47.Heopeneduphiswalletandpulledoutacrisptwenty-dollarbillandgaveittome.AndRoseofSharon,Junior,andIwalkedoutintothedaylighttosearchforninehundredandseventy-fourmoredollars.
1p.m.
48.RoseofSharon,Junior,andIcarriedourtwenty-dollarbillandourfivedollarsinloosechangeovertothe7-Elevenandboughtthreebottlesofimagination.Weneededtofigureouthowtoraiseallthatmoneyinonlyoneday.Thinkingha
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