Unit5.docx
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Unit5.docx
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Unit5
UnitFive:
SandwichGeneration
PatriciaChisholm
Text
InearlySeptember,AnnegotaphonecallfromCalgary'sFoothillsHospital:
hermotherwasabouttobedischarged.Irene,Anne's84-year-oldmother,hadbeeninacutecaresinceshesufferedaseriesofsmallstrokesinMarch.Sixmonthslater,shewaswellenoughtofeedherselfandwasbeginningtowalkunassisted.Butshewasstillforgetfulandclearlyinnoconditiontomovebackintoherownhousewhileshewaitedforabedtoopenupinanursinghome.“Shewasveryweakandfragile,”recallsAnne,a42-year-oldsocialservicesadviserwholivesinCalgarywithherhusbandandthreechildren,aged11,15and19.“Itoldthehospitalwejustcouldnottakeher---wewerenotsetuptotakeher.”ButFoothillspromisedtohelparrangesomehomecareandAnneeventuallyagreedtotakeIrene.“Itwasashock,”saysAnne,whoaskedthatherfullnamenotbeused.“Medically,therewasnothingtheycoulddoforher.Andinasense,theywererighttocontactus.Butthatdidnotsolvemyproblem.”
1.Anneisamemberoftheso-calledsandwichgeneration---peoplestrugglingtocareforboththeirchildrenandtheirelders,oftenwhileholdingdownajobaswell.Elderlyrelativesandtheiryoungerfamilymembersnowshareanestimated120,000householdsinCanada.Althoughstatisticsshowthattheproportionofseniorslivingwiththeirchildrenisdecreasing,thosewhodomoveinwiththeirchildrenenterhouseholdsprofoundlychangedfrompreviousgenerations.Becausetoday'sseniorshadfewerchildrenthantheirpredecessors,therearefewerfamilymemberstosharetheburden.Andmanydaughtersnowhavejobsoutsidethehome.Infact,theparentsofandaveragefamilynowwork65to80hoursaweek,saysAlanMirabelli,directorofadministrationandcommunicationattheVanierInstituteoftheFamilyinOttawa,upfrom40to45hoursaweekinthe1950s.“Peopleareworkingtwiceashard,”hesays,“tostayinthesameplace.”Mirabelliarguesthatthatchangeoftenisoverlookedamidincreasingpublicpressuretotransfersomeofthegovernment'shealth-careburdentoindividualfamilies.“Youcannotmaketheassumptionthatpeopleareavailable,”hesays.“Familieshavechanged.
2.Atthesametime,Mirabellirecognizethat“everyprovincehasaproblem”whenpeopleinacutecarearewellenoughtoleave.BecauseofthehighmobilityoftheCanadianlaborforce–halfofallfamiliesmoveonaverageonceeveryfiveyears—familymembersareoftenwidelydistributed.Whenahospital'selderlypatientsnolongerrequireacutecare,butarenotwellenoughtogohomealone,thereisoftennofamilyinthecitytotakethemin.
3.InthecaseofCalgary'sFoothills,hospitalvice-presidentJohnKingsaysthatifapatienthasnoonetakecareofthem,thehospitalletsthemstayonuntilanursinghomeplacementbecomesavailable.Andheinsiststhatthehospitalwillonlysendapatienthometo“anenvironmentthatissupportive,notabusive.”ButKingaddsthathealth-carefacilitiesmustbefinanciallyaccountable.Maintainingacute-carebedsisexpensive—about$975aday—andtheyareinhighdemand.Nothingtheshortageofbeds,Kingsays:
“Wetrytofreethemupasquicklyaspossible.”Sometimes,headds,familieshavetoplayapart.“Peoplearerealizingthattheyhavetohelptheirownextendedfamily,”maintainsKing.Weseemtobejumpingbacktowherewewere40yearsago–totakingmorecareofourownelderly.”
4.ForAnne,thesituation,thoughbrief,wasstressful.“Motherneededconstantcareduringtheday,”saysAnne.“Butwettingthebedwastheworstpart.Iputherindiapers.Ihadto.IknewthatifIhadtogetupatnightsforher,Iwouldhavetoomanyproblemsmyselfwithsleepdeprivation.”Annesaysthatshesawlessofherfriends,stoppedworkonamaster'sthesis,shortenedherconsultingworkandcanceledabusinesstriptoSeattle.“AndIwaslessavailableforthekids,”shesays.“Theyresenteditabit.AndIbecameanxious.Thingsbuiltup.”
5.Intheend,IrenestayedwithAnne'sfamilyonlysixweeksbeforeanursinghomebedbecameavailable.“Shelovesthehome,itsstaffisfantastic,”saysAnne.“ItworkedoutmuchbetterthanIexpected.”ButIrene'sstayforcedAnneandherfamilytochangetheirperceptions.“Wehavebeenspoiledinthissociety,”saysAnne."Ifounditallstressful.Buteveryonehastoadapt.”Andlastmonth,thefamilytookina10-year-oldboy---thesonofafamilyfromtheirchurch—whowashavingtroubleathome.“Heisherebecauseofwhatwewentthrough,”saysAnne.“Generally,wearemorecompassionate.”
6.TheVanierInstitute'sMirabellipointsoutthatevenwhenanelderlyparentlivesindependently,responsibilitiescanweighheavilyontheirchildren.“Howdoyoubreakawayfromyourjobtoseeasickmother?
”heasks.“Andthenyoufeelguiltywhenyouleaveheralone.Eveniftheyaren'tlivingwithyou,thereisthestressofjugglingobligationsathome,toyourextendedfamilyandtoyouremployer.”
7.Infact,asurveyof5,000employeesacrossthecountryconductedbytheCanadianAgingResearchers,foundthat46percenthavesomeeldercareresponsibilities,rangefromoccasionalhelpwithgroceriestofull-timecareathome.Morethanhalfthoseemployeesalsocareforchildren.Thoseworkersaccordingtothesurveyhavemorestress,lessjobsatisfactionandmoreabsencethantheircolleagues.
8.Somecompaniesareresponding.Inearly1992,theRoyalBankintroducedanEldercareprogramthatofferscounselingandrefersemployeestosupportservicesintheirarea.SharonCurry,a39-year-oldcustomerservicemangeratoneofthebank'sVancouverbranches,calledtheprogramafterhermotherhealthdeteriorated.“Youdon'sknowexactlywheretoturnandyouwanttohaveinformationsothatyou’repreparedtomakedecisions,”saysCurry.“BothmysisterandIareindemandingjobs;it'snotsomethingthatwewanttohavetopanicover."
9.Awidowandretireschoolteacher,MorelloGriffindidnothavetoworryaboutworkpressures.Butshesuffersfromrheumatoidarthritis.AndafterherfathermovedintoherhomenorthofTorontoin1988—hewas81andshewas81andshewas54—hishealthproblemseventuallyoverwhelmedher.“Thefirstthreemonthshelost40pounds,whichscaredthedeviloutofme,”saysGriffin.Hewasunabletocontrolhisbowelmovements.Ononeoccasion,shehadtoshowerhimandcleanhisbedsheetsfivetimesinasinglenight.Itwasbothphysicallyandemotionallytaxing—herfatherwasdesperatelyembarrassedandoftenintears.TheboweltroublessubsidewhenadoctordiscoveredthatGriffin'sfatherwasallergictomilk.Butsoonafterhedevelopedotherproblems.“Hehadthreeoffourtimesofpneumoniaovertwoyears—Ihadfour,”shesays.“Iwasn'tgettingmyproperrest.Thelasttime,Iendedupinhospitalwithpneumoniaandpleurisy.Thedoctorsaid,“Thishasgottostop.”
10.Griffineventuallysecuredhelp—governmentsubsidizedhomecareworkersforninehoursaweek.“Butthat'snonights,noweekends,”shesays.“Atonepoint,IwassoexhaustedIdecidedtohireanursetocomeinatnight.”Butat$22anhour,Griffinsays,shecouldonlyaffordnursinghelpforafewweeks.Twoyearsafterherfathermovedin,Griffinfoundanursinghomeshelikeandbrokethenewstohim.Hefelthurt,shesays,althoughheunderstoodshecouldnolongercareforhim.“ButIhadguiltcomingoutmyears,”saysGriffin.“IfellthatIwaslettingmyfatherdown.”Hespent21/2yearsinanursinghomebeforedyinginOctober1992,ofheartfailureandemphysema.
11.Fortunately,therearemanyhouseholdsthatcopewell,especiallywhentheseniorishealthyortheyoungerfamilymembershaveoutsidehelpintimesofcrisis.FrancisLittlejohn,the39-year-oldexecutivedirectorofaNewfoundlandfishermen'strainingcompany,recallsthathisauntandunclewereavailabletohelphisfamilywhenhewasgrowingupinHarbourGrace,about100kmnorthofSt.John's.Theoldercouplehadnochildrenoftheirown.WhenLittlejohn'sunclediedin1990,hisaunt,AgnesPower,moveinwithLittlejohn,hiswife,Rose,40,andtheirtwochildren,age19and13.
12.At81,Powerisingoodhealthnow.Shestillwalkshalfamileonmostdaystospendtimeatheroldhome.Butsurgerylastspringcausedatemporarysetback.RoseLittlejohn—whoworksparttimeatanearbyhospital—saysthatshewokeupearlytocleanPower'swoundsandchangethedressings.Thengotthekidsupforschoolandmadelunchesbeforeshecouldgettoworkherself.Shealsoisthankfulforhelpfromotherrelatives.“Idon'tbegrudgethetimeIspendhomewithher,orthetimeshewasill,”sheadds.“She'smyresponsibility,I'ddoanythingtogetherbetter.”
13.FrancisLittlejohnsaysthatPowerfitinwellwiththeirfamily.“She'sthetypeofpersonwhodoesn'tinterfere,”hesays.“Ifmysonorwifearehavingaquarrel,she'lldisappear.”Andhesaysthatshehashaapositiveeffectontheirchildren.“Ifindthatolderpeoplehaveasortofwisdomaboutthem,”hesays.“Mysonwasgoingthroughtheroutineproblemsofadolescence,andshecouldrelatetohimmoresothatthatIcould.”TheLittlejohnsalsohaveastrongsenseofpersonalcommitment.“Bothmyparentshavegraduallyintroducedtometheprideinfamilyandtheresponsibilitytolookafteryourown,”hesays.“It'shardtoputintowords.Youdosomethingbecauseit'stherightthingtodo.”FortheLittlejohns,therightthingtodohasalsobeenarewardingfamilyexperience.ButformanyCanadianfamilieswhobearawiderangeofnewresponsibilities,eldercarecantakeaphysical,andemotional,sacrifice
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