作文闪光点的制造举例Word下载.docx
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作文闪光点的制造举例Word下载.docx
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scompetitiveedge代替enhanceone'
scompetitiveness(提高某物竞争力)
下面举一篇我班上一位同学写的优秀作文(14分)的例子,看看他是如何运用各类写作技巧的。
这位同学把老师上课讲的各类写作手法和精彩替换和句型都用上了,作文有了很大的提高。
标题:
ComputerandI
第一段:
Ineverforgettheexceedinglythrillingdaywhenmymotherboughtmeacomputerasbirthdaypresent,whichexertedatremendousfascinationonmesothatIindulgedmyselfingooglinganarmyofusefulinformationIhadexpected,andenjoyaseaofmelodiousclassicmusic.ThatnightIwassleepless,feelingthatthewholeworldbelongedtome.
exceedingly替换very
thrilling替换exciting
sth.exertatremendousfascinationonsb替换sb.beinterestedinsth.
google替换search
anarmyof替换alotof
第二段:
Thedawnofthenewcenturywitnessedtheincreasingpopularityofcomputers.Coincidentwiththeadvancementofscienceandtechnology,computerspouringintothecurrentsocietyasafashionareappealingtogrowingindividuals.Itisnoexaggerationtosaythatwehavebeensubmergedbythem,inlargemeasure!
Thedawnofthenewcenturywitnessed是一个精彩句型,用来描述在某个时期发生了什么事情;
Increasingpopularity替换moreandmorepopular
Coincidentwith…非常地道的词汇,表达"
与…一致"
的意思,替换With…
Advancement替换development
Pourinto(floodinto/swarminto)替换enterinto
Current(currently)替换now
Appealtosb.替换sb.beinterestedinsth.
Growingindividuals替换moreandmorepeople
Itisnoexaggerationtosay经典句型,说某事是毫不夸张的
第三段:
Tobeginwith,wecan,freely,searchdesiredinformationatanymoment.Littlebylittle,ourknowledgewillbewellenriched,andourhorizonswillbegreatlybroadened.Additionally,wecangethugerecreationsonlinebychatting,playinggames,ordeliveringemail.
Wecan,freely,search用了插入语的写作手法
ourknowledgewillbewellenriched,andourhorizonswillbegreatlybroadened.用了非常精彩的被动
Additionally替换Inaddition/Besides
Deliver替换send
第四段:
Thereisnodenyingthat,however,computerscanfunctioninthedisserviceofhumanbeings,inaway,especiallythegrowingviolence,pornpictures,AV-filmsemergingonthescreen,whichleadsquietafewnetcitizenstocopying.
Thereisnodenyingthat,however,computerscanfunctioninthedisserviceofhumanbeings,这个句子有三个精彩之处,首先Thereisnodenyingthat这个句型,还有however作为插入语,functioninthedisserviceof替换doharmto
Emerging代替appearing(fading代替disappearing)
Netcitizen网民,属于精彩用词
第五段:
Asaclassicproverbgoesthatnogardenhasnoweeds.Computersdoplayapositiveroleinthedevelopmentofpeople'
lives,despiteasliceofunfavorableimpacts.Weshould,therefore,takeadvantageofthefruitsandavoidtheoppositefacet.
Nogardenhasnoweeds替换Everycoinhastwosides
Computersdoplay,do强调
Positive替换important/good等
Asliceof替换apartof
Unfavorable替换bad
Impacts替换effects/influences
Weshould,therefore,takeadvantageof…使用插入语
Fruits(而且fruits用的非常形象,merits/virtues)替换advantage(defects替换disadvantage)
Facet替换aspect
各位同学,上面的作文里有这么多精彩的闪光点,作文怎么会不得高分呢!
以下是30个最经典的替换词,各位同学可以参考一下。
1.individuals,characters,folks代替(people,persons)
2:
positive,favorable,rosy(美好的),promising
(有希望的),perfect,pleasurable,excellent,outstanding代替good
3:
dreadful,unfavorable,poor,adverse(有害的)代替bad
如果bad做表语,可以有belessimpressive代替
eg.Anarmyofcollegestudentsindulgethemselvesinplayinggames,enjoyingromancewith
girls/boysorkillingtimepassivelyintheirdorms.Whenitapproachestograduation,asaresult,theyfindtheiracademicrecordsarelessimpressive.
4.(anarmyof,anoceanof,aseaof,amultitudeof,many,ifnotmost)代替many.
注:
用many,ifnotmost一定要小心,many后一定要有词。
eg.Manyindividuals,ifnotmost,harbortheideathat….同理用most,ifnotall,代替most.
5:
asliceof,quietafew,several代替some
6:
harbortheideathat,taketheattitudethat,
holdtheviewthat,itiswidelysharedthat,
itisuniversallyacknowledgedthat)替think
(因为是书面语,所以要加that)
7:
affair,business,matter代替thing
8:
shared代common
9.reaphugefruits代替getmuchbenefit)
10:
formypart,frommyownperspective代替inmyopinion
11:
Increasing(ly),growing代替moreandmore(注意没有growingly这种形式。
所以当修饰名词时用
increasing/growing.修饰形容词,副词用increasingly.
eg.sthhasgainedgrowingpopularity.
Sthisincreasinglypopularwiththeadvancementofsth.
12.littleifanything,或littleornothing代替hardly
13..benefitial,rewarding代替helpful,bebeneficialof
14.shopper,client,consumer,purchaser,代替customer
15.exceedingly,extremely代替very
16.hardlyunnecessary,hardlyinevitable...代替necessary,
evitable
17.sthappealstosb,sthexertsatremendousfascinationonsb代替sbtakeinterestin
18.captureone'
sattention代替attractone'
sattention.
19.facet,dimension,sphere代aspect
20.beindicativeof,besuggestiveof,befearfulof代indicate,suggest,fear
21.giveriseto,leadto,resultin,trigger代替cause.
22.Thereareseveralreasonsbehindsth代替..reasonsforsth
23.desire代替want.
24.pourattentioninto代替payattentionto
25.bearinmindthat代替remember
26.enjoy,possess代替have(注意process是过程的意思)
27.Interaction代替communication
28.frownonsth代替beagainst,disagreewithsth
29.tonameonlyafew,asanexample代替forexample
30.nextto/virtuallyimpossible,代替nearlyimpossible
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