Chapter 10The Path of least resistance.docx
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Chapter 10The Path of least resistance.docx
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Chapter10ThePathofleastresistance
(Chapter10)
(CurrentReality)
RealityIsNottheEnemy
Therewasamanwhowokeonedayconvincedthathewasazombie.Whenhetoldhiswifehewasazombie,shetriedtotalkhimoutofthisoutrageousopinion.
“Youarenotazombie!
”shesaid.
“Iamazombie,”heanswered.
“Whatmakesyouthinkyouareazombie?
”sheaskedrhetorically.
“Don’tyouthinkzombiesknowthatarezombie?
”heansweredwithgreatsincerity.
Hiswiferealizedshewasnotgettinganywhere,soshecalledhismotherandtoldherwhatwasgoingon.Hismothertriedtohelp.
“Iamyourmother,wouldn’tIknowifIgavebirthtoazombie?
”
“Youdidn’t,”heexplained,“Ibecameazombielater.”
“Ididn’traisemysontobeazombie,orespeciallytothinkheisazombie,”hismotherpleaded.
“Nonetheless,Iamazombie,”hesaid,unmovedbyhismother’sappealtohisidentityandsenseofguilt.
Laterthatdayhiswifecalledintheirministertotalktoherhusband.
“Youarenotazombie,youareprobablygoingthroughamidlifecrisis,”theministersaid,tryingtobethepsychologisthealwayswantedtobe.
“Zombiedon’thavemiddlecrisis,”wasallthemanreplied.
Theministerrecommendedapsychiatrist.Thewifegotanemergencyappointment,andwithinthehourthehusbandwasinthepsychiatrist’soffice.
“So,youthinkyouareazombie?
”thepsychiatristasked.
“IknowIamazombie,”themansaid.
“Tellme,dozombiesbleed?
”thepsychiatristasked.
“Ofcoursenot,”saidtheman,“Zombiesarethelivingdead.Theydon’tbleed.”Themanwasalittleannoyedatthepsychiatrist’spatronizingquestion.
“Well,watchthis,”saidthepsychiatristashepickedupapin.Hetooktheman’sfingerandmadeatinypinprick.Themanlookedathisfingerwithgreatamazementandsaidnothingforthreeorfourminutes.
“Whatdoyouknow,”themanfinallysaid,“zombiesdobleed!
”
Thereoncealionwhocameuponamonkey.Thelionthoughtthiswasagoodchancetoconformhispositionofprominenceinthejungle.
“Hey,monkey!
”theliongrowled.
“Yes,sire,”themonkeyansweredinashakyvoice.
“Whoisthekingofthejungle?
!
”theliongrowledevenlouder.
“Why,youare,sire,youare!
”
“Anddon’tyouforgetit!
”thelionsaid,verypleasedwithhimself.
Alittlelaterthelioncameuponazebra.
“Heyyou…zebra!
”thelionroared.
“Yes,sire,”thezebraansweredinanasalvoice.
“Who’sthekingofthejungle?
!
”thelionroaredsomemore.
“Youare,sire,youare!
”thezebrasaidwithatimidandforcedenthusiasm.
“Anddon’tyouforgetit!
”thelionroared.
Alittlelaterthelioncameuponanelephant.“Heyyou,elephant!
Who’sthekingofthejungle?
!
”thelionroaredandgrowledwithhismostferociousroarandgrowl.
Withoutsayingaword,theelephantpickedupthelionwithhistrunkandthrewthelionagainstatree.Thenhewalkedovertothelionandsteppedonhistail.Thentheelephantpickedupagainandslammedhimdownontheground.
Astheelephantwalkedaway,thebatteredlionliftedhisheadandyelled,“Hey,don’tgetmadjustbecauseyoudon’tknowtheanswer!
”
Somepeoplehavealotoftroublewithreality.Itseemsasifitshouldbesimpleenough:
Seetheobvious.Butaschildrenwehaveallhadtheexperienceofsayingsomethingthatwasundeniablyaccurate,onlytobeshushedupbyanadult.
“Grandma’shousehasafunnysmell.”
“Quiet.Don’tsaythat!
”
Childrenlearntoliebecausethatisoneoftheironlydefensesagainstauthority,whoareoftenmanytimestheirsizeandweight.
“Wereyouinmycloset?
!
”
“Uh,no.”
“Thenwhyisyourgumwrapperinmycloset?
”
“Uh,er…Idon’tknow.”
“Didyoudoyourhomework?
”
“Uh,yesIdidit,butIleftitonthebus.”
“Thisisthethirdtimethisweekyoudidn’thaveyourhomework,andyoualwayshavesomeflimsyexcuse.”
“Uh…well,alotofweirdthingshappentomyhomework.Ican’thelpit.”
“Whattimedidyougetinlastnight?
”
“Nottoolate.”
“Well,Ihappentoknowitwastwo-thirtyinthemorning!
”
“Gee,itdidn’tseemthatlate.Anyway,wehadaflattire.Andifyouknewwhattimeitwas,whydidyouaskme?
”
“Iwasjustwonderingifyouknew!
”
“Well,I…ah…didn’tthinkitwasthatlate…becausemywatchbroke.”
“Letmeseeyourwatch.”
“I,ah…can’tfindit.”
“Whatisthatonyourwrist?
”
“Oh…that’sa…differentwatch.”
Andasadults:
“Doyouknowhowfastyouweredriving?
”
“No,wasIfasterthanthespeedlimit?
”
“Theradarclockedyouatseventy-five.”
“Really,itdidn’tseemthatfast.Maybemyspeedometerisbroken.”
GiveMeaGoodReason
Notdescribingrealityaccuratelyoftenbecomesself-propaganda.Youmaybelateforanappointmentandonyourwayoverthinkupthemostplausibleexcuse.Bythetimeyouarrivenotonlyareyoureadytoreciteit,butyoualmostbelieveityourself.Avoidingdescribingrealityaccuratelyisoftenastrategytoovercomethenegativeconsequencesofyouractions.
Oursocietyputsahighpremiumonreasonandexcuses.Mostpeoplelearnthatiftheyhaveagoodreasonfornotsucceeding,theycansometimesavoidnegativeconsequences.
Manypeoplemisrepresentrealitythoughasmokescreenofplausible-soundingreasonsthataredesignedtodistractthemselvesandothersfromthetruth.
Somepeoplelearnthatothersputlesspressureonthemwhentheyaresick.Sotheyoftengetsicktohavealegitimateexcusenottoliveuptoexpectations.
Somepeopleusebeinginastateofemotionalupheavalasanexcuse:
“IfI’mupset,donotasktoberesponsible.”
Beinga“victimofcircumstances”isacommonreasonsomepeopleusetoexplaintheiractions.“Look,ItriedtobeatSara’sbirthdayparty,butmybosscalledjustasIwasleavingthehouse.Youknowhowmuchhelovestotalk.SoIwasstuckonthephonewithhim.Whatdoyouwantmetodo,losemyjob?
”
ThedefenseofDanWhite,whoshotSanFranciscocouncilmanHarveyMilkandMayorGeorgeMoscone,wasthathisbloodsugarwasoffthatday.Thisbecameknownasthe“Twinkie”defense.Thedefensewastakenseriously.Whitegotoffwithalightsentence.
Asocietythatfostersreasonsandexcusesforirresponsibleofdestructivebehaviorhaslittlechanceofreachingitspotentialgreatness.Sincethetraditionoftheartsdoeshaveastandardofreachingforwhatishighestinhumanity,areexcusesseenasvalidorneeded?
The“Ihadagoodreason”excuseisseldomfoundintheartsasanattempttoexplainabadperformance,abadfilm,abadpainting,abadrecord,abadplay,abadnovel,orabadpoem.
Somepeopleseemtoenjoyconcoctingadramaticexplanationforwhytheycan’thavewhattheywant.Theloveofreasonsforwhyyou“can’t”cansupersedethepursuitofwhatyouwant.
Reasons
Sometimesknowingthereasonsforfailurecanhelpyouadjusttheactionsyoutaketoshapeyourfinalcreation.Butthisisquitedifferentfromusingreasonstojustifyfailure.Discoveringtheeffectoftheactionsyoutakeisdesignedtobealearningexperience,ratherthanajustificationfornotsucceeding.
Forexample,itisimportanttoknowthecauseoftheexplosionoftheChallengerspaceshuttlethatcostthelivesofthecrew.Knowinghasatleasttwofunctions.Oneistocorrecttheerrorinthefuture,toenablethosewhonextventureintospacetobeassafeaswecanpossiblymanage.
Knowingwhathappenedalsohelpseasethepainsometimesevokedbyreality.Itishardtoacceptthatthoseveryspecialpeople,thecrewoftheChallenger,aregonefromourmidst,especiallysincejustmomentsbeforetheexplosiontheywerewavingtousonnetworktelevision.Itishardtowitnesssomeofthebestofourgenerationtakensoquicklyandsodramatically.
Whenwehaveanexplanation,ithelpsustoacceptthetruth-thattheyaregone,thatwewillnotseethemagaininthislife,thatthefullpromiseofwhattheirlivescouldhavebeeninthefutureisnowimpossible.
Itiscommonforpeopletofillthemselveswithdetailswhentheylosealovedone.Whatdidhedoinhislastdays?
Whatdidhedoorsayinhislasthours?
Whowaswithhimwhenhedied?
Whatwasthemedicalexplanationforthedeath?
Wasthereanythingthatcouldhavesavedhim?
Whatrealdifferencedotheanswerstothesequestionsmake?
Noneinreality.Noamountofdetailaboutthecircumstancesofsomeone’sdeathbringsthatpersonback.Thenwhatisthepurposeofwantingtoknow?
Knowingthedetailof“howithappened”helpsyoulearnarealitythatishardtoaccept.Theperiodofgrievingisatimetoteachyourselftherealitythatsomeoneorsomethingisgone.Oftenpeoplewhoaregrievingoverthedeathofalovedoneexperiencephasesofemotionalupheaval,followedbyphasesofresolutionandpeace.Then,asiffromnowhere,theiremotionalupheavalbeginsagain.Eachtimethishappens,thegrievingpersonconfrontsadifferentaspectoftherealityofloss.
Untilheorsheacceptsallofreality,thegrievingpersonisnotabletomoveonfullyinlife.Thatpersoncanbecomefixatedonthepast,tryingtoholdontothetimewhenhisorherlovedonewasstillalive.
Whenmyfatherdied,mymotherwasnotabletoaccepttherealitythathewasgone.Shelefthisbelongingsexactlyastheywereonthedayhedied.Shewouldnotletanyonemoveorchangehiscloset,dresser,ornighttable.Shekepttheworkbenchatwhichmyfatherpracticedhishobbyofmakingstainedglassjustasitwasonthedayhedied.Ithinkshethoughtthatshewasbeingtruetohimbypreservingtheseobjectsjustashehadthem.Asif,somehow,thatwouldbringhimback.
Herfamilyandfriendstriedtohelpherthroughhergrief,butshewasinconsolable.Shetriedtokeepmyfatheraliveinhermind,and
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