英语笑话六十则Word文件下载.docx
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英语笑话六十则Word文件下载.docx
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Afamilyofmiceweresurprisedbyabigcat.FatherMousejumpedandsaid,"
Bow-wow!
"
Thecatranaway."
Whatwasthat,Father?
askedBabyMouse."
Well,son,that’swhyit’simportanttolearnasecondlanguage."
SubmittedbyBHLEE
Threemicearebeingchasedbyacat.Themicewerecorneredwhenoneofthemiceturnedaroundandbarked,"
Ruff!
Ruff!
Thesurprisedcatranawayscared.Laterwhenthemicetoldtheirmotherwhathappened,shesmiledandsaid,"
Yousee,itpaystobebilingual!
SubmittedbyJeanneRamirez
4
MyfriendsaidheknewamanwithawoodenlegnamedSmith.
SoIaskedhim,"
Whatwasthenameofhisotherleg?
(Trythisonewithyourstudentsthenexttimeyouareteachingalessonthatincludesthistypeofgrammar.)
5
Thedoctortothepatient:
‘Youareverysick.’
Thepatienttothedoctor:
‘CanIgetasecondopinion?
’
Thedoctoragain:
‘Yes,youareveryuglytoo...’
Iusethisjokeforretellinginreportedspeech.
Submittedby:
AdrianaLuchetti
6
Amangoestothedoctorandsays,"
Doctor,whereverItouch,ithurts."
Thedoctorasks,"
Whatdoyoumean?
Themansays,"
WhenItouchmyshoulder,itreallyhurts.IfItouchmyknee-OUCH!
WhenItouchmyforehead,itreally,reallyhurts."
Thedoctorsays,"
Iknowwhat’swrongwithyou-you’vebrokenyourfinger!
SubmittedbySeanMcLoughlin
7
Patient:
Doctor,IhaveapaininmyeyewheneverIdrinktea.
Doctor:
Takethespoonoutofthemugbeforeyoudrink.
IrenePellegrini
8
Doctor!
You’vegottohelpme!
Nobodyeverlistenstome.NooneeverpaysanyattentiontowhatIhavetosay.
Nextplease!
SubmittedbyMarcoMorales,Mexico
9
Twoboyswerearguingwhentheteacherenteredtheroom.
Theteachersays,"
Whyareyouarguing?
Oneboyanswers,"
Wefoundatendollarbillanddecidedtogiveittowhoevertellsthebiggestlie."
Youshouldbeashamedofyourselves,"
saidtheteacher,"
WhenIwasyourageIdidn’tevenknowwhataliewas."
Theboysgavethetendollarstotheteacher.
10
Asnailwalksintoabarandthebarmantellshimthere’sastrictpolicyabouthavingsnailsinthebarandsokickshimout.Ayearlaterthesamesnailre-entersthebarandasksthebarman"
Whatdidyoudothatfor?
SubmittedbySteve
11
Justlookatthatyoungpersonwiththeshorthairandbluejeans.Isitaboyoragirl?
It’sagirl.She’smydaughter.
Oh,I’msorry,sir.Ididn’tknowthatyouwereherfather.
I’mnot.I’mhermother.
12
Mother:
"
Didyouenjoyyourfirstdayatschool?
Firstday?
DoyoumeanIhavetogobacktomorrow?
SubmittedbyMigueldePacoMoltó
13
Headmaster:
I’vehadcomplaintsaboutyou,Johnny,fromallyourteachers.Whathaveyoubeendoing?
Johnny:
Nothing,sir.
Exactly.
SubmittedbyMariadelPilarVilllegasMartinez
14
Teacher:
Nick,whatisthepastparticipleoftheverbtoring?
Nick:
Whatdoyouthinkitis,Sir?
Idon’tthink,IKNOW!
Idon’tthinkIknoweither,Sir!
SubmittedbyBernadetteKelly
15
Hey,man!
Pleasecallmeataxi.
Yes,sir.Youareataxi.
SubmittedbyClá
udiaAlmeida
16
Whyareyoucrying?
Theelephantisdead.
Washeyourpet?
No,butI’mtheonewhomustdighisgrave.
SubmittedbyJoe,fromIndiana
17
Ateenagegirlhadbeentalkingonthephoneforabouthalfanhour,andthenshehungup.
Wow!
saidherfather,"
Thatwasshort.Youusuallytalkfortwohours.Whathappened?
Wrongnumber,"
repliedthegirl.
18
PUPIL:
WouldyoupunishmeforsomethingIdidn`tdo?
TEACHER:
Ofcoursenot."
Good,becauseIhaven`tdonemyhomework."
19
Ateacheraskedastudenttowrite55.
Studentasked:
How?
Write5andbesideitanother5!
Thestudentwrote5andstopped.
teacher:
Whatareyouwaitingfor?
student:
Idon’tknowwhichsidetowritetheother5!
SubmittedbyMahmoudZeidan
20
Mybossissounpopularevenhisownshadowrefusestofollowhim.
SubmittedbyJozefKarpat
21
LittleJohnny:
Teacher,canIgotothebathroom?
LittleJohnny,MAYIgotothebathroom?
ButIaskedfirst!
EliseOwen,DalianChina
22
Twogoldfishinabowltalking:
Goldfish1:
DoyoubelieveinGod?
Goldfish2:
Ofcourse,Ido!
Whodoyouthinkchangesthewater?
23
Son:
Dad,whatisanidiot?
Dad:
Anidiotisapersonwhotriestoexplainhisideasinsuchastrangeandlongwaythatanotherpersonwhoislisteningtohimcan’tunderstandhim.Doyouunderstandme?
No.
24
Man:
Icouldgototheendoftheworldforyou.
Woman:
Yes,butwouldyoustaythere?
Iofferyoumyself.
IamsorryIneveracceptcheapgifts.
Iwanttoshareeverythingwithyou.
Let’sstartfromyourbankaccount.
Submittedbykaradolson
25
Whyareyoulate?
Student:
Therewasamanwholostahundreddollarbill.
That’snice.Wereyouhelpinghimlookforit?
No.Iwasstandingonit.
SubmittedbyFredG.Stone
26
Customer:
Excuseme,butIsawyourthumbinmysoupwhenyouwerecarryingit.
Waitress:
Oh,that’sokay.Thesoupisn’thot.
SubmittedbyJimSperling
27
Therealestateagentsays,"
Ihaveagood,cheapapartmentforyou."
Themanreplies,"
Bytheweekorbythemonth?
Theagentanswers,"
Bythegarbagedump."
28
BankTeller:
Howdoyoulikethemoney?
EnglishStudent:
Ilikeitverymuch.
SubmittedbySafnil(BengkuluUniversityIndonesia)
29
Whydoyoutakebathsinmilk?
Ican’tfindacowtallenoughforashower."
30
Customerinarestaurant:
Iwouldliketohaveaplateofriceandapieceoffriedchickenandacupofcoffee.
Waitress:
IsitenoughSir?
Customer:
What?
DoyouthinkIcan’tbuymore?
31
Youlookveryfunnywearingthatbelt."
IwouldlookevenfunnierifIdidn’twearit."
32
IwasborninCalifornia."
Whichpart?
Allofme."
33
Excuseme.Doyouknowthewaytothezoo?
No,I’msorryIdon’t."
Well,it’stwoblocksthisway,thenoneblocktotheleft."
34
Doyouhavetroublemakingdecisions?
Well...yesandno.
35
Oncetherewerethreeturtles.Onedaytheydecidedtogoonapicnic.Whentheygotthere,theyrealizedtheyhadf
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