How To Read Body Language Like a Pro.docx
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How To Read Body Language Like a Pro.docx
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HowToReadBodyLanguageLikeaPro
HowToReadBodyLanguageLikeaPro!
Postedon20February2009
Yourmotherprobablytaughtyouthatit’srudetostare.Butwhenyounegotiateabusinessdeal,closeobservationofyouropponentmakessense.
Byinspectingyouropponent’severyphysicalmove,youcanoftendeterminewhetherheorsheisholdingsomethingbackornottellingthetruth.Thekeyisnottostaresomuchthatyoumakeyouropponentuncomfortable,buttobeawareofhisorhermovementsthroughcasualglancesandfriendlyeyecontact.Itwillalmostcertainlygiveyouanedge.
Whatshouldyoulookfor?
Expertswhostudybodylanguagesuggestatwo-stepprocess.
First,identifyasubject’smannerismsduringtheinitial,friendlystagesofadiscussion.Asthenegotiationunfolds,seewhetheryouropponentsuddenlyadoptsdifferentbehavior.“Youhavetowatchpeoplealongtimetoestablishwhattheirbaselinemodeis,”saidDavidHayano,authorof“PokerFaces.”“Onceyouknowhowtheynormallybehave,youmaybeabletotellwhentheystarttoputonanact.”
HayanoisaretiredprofessorofanthropologyatCaliforniaStateUniversityatNorthridge,whohasanalyzedthebodylanguageofpokerplayers,andhe’sfoundthattherapport-buildingstageisavaluabletimetostudyyouropponent.Why?
Becausethat’swhenyougettoknowsomeone’s“natural”behavior.“Ifyouaredealingwithaverytalkativeexecutivewhoallofasuddengetsmeekduringtheheatofthenegotiation,thensomethingstrangeisgoingon,”hesaid.Itmaybeacluethatyouropponentishidingsomething;othercluesareexaggeratedmovementsorexcessiveenthusiasm.
Hayanosaysthatinpoker,forexample,aplayerwhothrowschipsforcefullyonthetableorsuddenlybehavesinabrash,aggressivewaymaybemaskinghisbeingstuckwithaweakhandofcards.Thesamegoesforexecutiveswholoudlyandrepeatedlyproclaimthatthey’remakingamajorconcession,wheninfactthey’renotgivingupmuch.“Whenyou’renegotiatingwithsomeonewhostartsovertalkingandbackslapping,thiscanmeantheyreallyhavelittletooffer,”Hayanosaid.
Arangeofnonverbalcluesmayserveasredflagsduringanegotiation.Expertssuggestpayingspecialattentiontoaperson’shandsandface.“Therearemanyrevealingbodysignalsthatmayindicateahiddenagenda,”saidDonaldMoine,anorganizationalpsychologistattheAssociationforHumanAchievementinRollingHillsEstates,Calif.
Examplesincludehairpulling,lipbiting,eyeblinking,gulpingandthroatclearing.AccordingtoMoine,anegotiatorwhostartsbreathingrapidlymaynotbetellingthetruth.“Thewaytotellhowsomeoneisbreathingistonoticetheirshoulders,”hesaid.“Withmorerapidbreathingthat’shigherupinthechest,youwillseetheirshouldersriseandfallalotmorethannormal.”
Whencoachingexecutivestoimprovetheirnegotiationskills,Moinefindsthatmanyofthemmissopportunitiestoreadothers’bodylanguage.“Theyoftenmakethemistakeoflookingdownatpapersinsteadofbeingobservant,”hesaid.Thenexttimeyouropponentgesturesforyoutostudyadocumentorpresentsawrittencontractforyoutoscrutinize,don’tfallforthebait.Insteadofcuttingoffeyecontact,Moinesuggeststhatyousay,“Tellmeaboutit.Whatdoesitsay?
”Aslongasyoukeepyoureyesonyournegotiatingpartners,youcanassesswhethertheirnonverbalbehaviorconflictswithwhattheytellyou.
Eventhemostexperienceddealmakerswhoknowhowtomasktheirexpressionsmaystillbetraythemselveswiththeirbodies.“Watchforsignsofdeception,”saidRaymondMcGraime,authorof“SilentSeduction.”“Deceptionisshownbysuchmovementsascoveringofthemouthwiththehands,rubbingthesideofthenose,jerkingtheheadquicklytotheside,andleaningawayfromyou.Ifthesethingsoccurwhenthey’resayingsomethingcriticaltothenegotiation,that’sevenmoresignificant.”Althoughthesebehaviorsmaysimplyresultfromnervoustics,McGraimewarnsthattheycanalsoexposealiar.“Whenmostpeoplelie,theysubconsciouslywanttoapologizeforit,”hesaid.“Theyfeelguiltyforlying,andthatshowsintheirnonverbalbehavior.”
Onamorepositivenote,bodylanguagecansometimeshelpyoutrustaspeaker.Lookforexpansive,welcominggesturesthatseemtoflownaturallyfromtheperson’sbehavior.“Whensomeoneopenshispalmstowardssimultaneously,that’sasignofopennessandhonesty,”McGraimesaid.“Thefurtherthepalmscomeoutfromtheirbody,thebetter.Indepictionsofthegreatprophets,youseethis.It’slikesaying,‘Ihavenothingupmysleeve.’”
Nowthatyouknowwhattolookforwhilenegotiating,bewareofattributingtoomuchmeaningtoeverylittlemoveyouropponentmakes.Resistdrawingrashconclusionsbasedonsomeonewhosuddenlystartsscratchingoractingjittery.“Thedangerofreadingyouropponentisthatyouleantoomuchonjustonesign,”saidRichardHeslin,professorofpsychologyatPurdueUniversityinWestLafayette,Ind.“Butwhenyoucanputseveralthingstogether,maybethere’ssomethingtherethat’sworthpayingattentionto.”
BodyAspects
Ourbodysaysalotaboutusinmanywaysaswecommunicate.Bodymovementcanindicateattitudes,andfeelingswhilealsoactingasillustratorsandregulators.Ourbodymovementincludestheheads,eyes,shoulders,lips,eyebrows,neck,legs,arms,fingers,orientation,handsandgestures.Togetherthesepiecescanconveyifwe’recomfortable,unhappy,friendly,anxious,nervousandmanyothermessages.
Withsomanypartsconveyingmessages,youcanseehoweasilythingscangetconfusedandhowdifficultitistomanipulatenonverbalcommunication.Justthinkofthedifferentmessageswhicharecommunicatedthroughfacingaperson,touching,standingatvariousdistancesandindifferentstances.Withcarefulthought,however,wemaybeginusingourbodiestofurtherourclarityandmeaning.
Thisdiscussionhasbrokendownbodylanguageintoseveralareas:
proxemics,appearance,eyecontact,andphysicalbehavior.Wewillcontinuebylookingateacharea.
Proxemics
Proxemicsistheamountofspacearoundorbetweenusandothers.Howcloselypeoplepositionthemselvestoapersonduringadiscussioncommunicateswhattypeofrelationshipexistsbetweenthetwopeople.ThisspaceandmeaningdiffersfromculturetoculturebutinAmericanculturethefollowingstandardsexist.
∙0-18inchesisintimatespacereservedforfamilyandclosefriends
∙18inchesto4feetispersonalspaceusedinmostinterpersonalinteractions
∙4-12feetissocial-consultativespaceusedinmoreformalinteractions
Appearance
Appearanceisasecondimportantfactorinvolvedwithnonverbalcommunication.
Intoday’ssociety,thepurposeofclothinghaschangedfromfulfillinganeedtoexpressingoneself.Teensusefashiontodeterminecliquessuchasprep,jock,punk,organgster.Clothingcommunicationiscontinuedlaterinlifebyidentifyingsomeoneinasuitasabusinessperson,someonewearingablackrobeasajudge,doctorswearinglabcoatsandstethoscopesorvariousotherpositionswearingrequireduniformsofdress.Adornmentsareanotherformofappearance.Wearingexpensivejewelrycommunicatesonemessagewhilewearingceremonialornamentscommunicatesacompletelydifferentmessage.Appearancealsotakesintoaccountpersonalgroomingsuchascleanliness,doingone’shair,nailtrimmingorwearingmake-up.Overallappearanceisthenonverbalthatpeoplearemostawareofandmanipulatethemost.Appearancecommunicateshowwefeelandhowwewanttobeviewed.
EyeContact
Manysayingsholdthattheeyeisthewindowtothemind.Thisisverytruetoillustratingthepowerofeyecontactinnonverbalcommunication.Eyecontactcanmaintain,yield,denyandrequestcommunicationbetweenpeople.Peoplewhouseeyecontactareviewedasconfident,credibleandhavingnothingtohide.
Someimportantdo’sanddonot’sofeyecontactare:
∙Ifyouhavetroublestaringsomeoneintheeye,simplyfocusatsomethingontheirface
∙Whenspeakingtoagrouplookateveryone
∙Lookatpeoplewhoarekeydecisionmakersorholdpower
∙Lookatreactivelisteners
∙Don’tlookatthefloor,scriptsoranythingthatcausesyoutotiltyourheadawayformthereceiver
∙Don’tlookatbadlistenersthatmaydistractyou
Body
Asmentionedearlier,therearemanypartsofyourbodythataddtothenonverbalmessage.Thistypeofnonverbalcommunicationiscalledkinesiccode.Itismadeupofemblems,illustrators,regulators,affectdisplaysandadapters.Thesebehaviorsareeachcommunicatedindifferentbehaviorsandmovementsofyourbody.Thefirstimportantaspectofkinesicsisposture.Standingorsittinginarelaxedprofessionalmannerisapositiveposturenonverbal.Also,beingcomfortablyupright,squarelyfacinganaudience,andevenlydistributingyourweightareallaspectsofposturethatcommunicateprofessionalism,confidence,attentiontodetailandorganization.Nonverbalscommunicatedbymovingthetrunkofyourbodyarecalledbodygestures.Severaldifferentbodygesturestrategiesaretomovetochangemoodorpace,drawattention,orreinforceandidea.Someexamplesaresteppingasideforatransitionorsteppingforwardtoemphasizeapoint.Handgesturesarewhataremostoftenidentifiedasnonverbalcommunication.Onereasonisbecausetheyaresoobvioustoareceiverandseentobepartlyconscious.Itisimportanttoletyourgesturesflownaturallyasifinconversationwithaclosefriend.Youmayalsousegesturestospecificallydescribeshapeandsize,emphasizeapoint,enumeratealist,orpickingoutaspecificitem.Inconjunctionwithhandgesturesistouching.Thisisaverypowerfulcommunicator
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