TED2013演讲稿 Meg Jay[Why 30 is not the new 20][20岁,不可挥霍的光阴]Word格式.docx
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TED2013演讲稿 Meg Jay[Why 30 is not the new 20][20岁,不可挥霍的光阴]Word格式.docx
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sgonnatomanytheguy."
Andthenmysupervisorsaid,"
Notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.Besides,thebesttimetoworkonAlex'
smarriageisbeforeshehasone."
That'
swhatpsychologistscallan"
Aha!
"
moment.ThatwasthemomentIrealized,30isnotthenew20.Yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn'
tmakeAlex'
stwentiesadevelopmentaldowntime.ThatmadeAlex'
stwentiesadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforAlexandherlovelife,butforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.
Thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheUnitedStatesrightnow.We'
retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone'
sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheirtwentiesfirst.
Raiseyourhandifyouareinyourtwenties.Ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.Oh,yay!
Y'
all'
sawesome.Ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,you'
relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,Iwanttosee.Okay.Awesome.Twentysomethingsreallymatter.
SoIspecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseIbelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:
thatdaimingyourtwentiesisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformativethingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenforflieworld.Thisisnotmyopinion.Thesearethefacts.Weknowthe80percentoflife'
smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.Thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand"
momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-thirties.Peoplewhoareover40,don'
tpanic.Thiscrowdisgonnabefine,Ithink.Weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyouaregoingtoearn.WeknowthatmorethanhalfofAmericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.Weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyourtwenties,asitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.
Weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyourtwentiesthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.Soyourtwentiesarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.Sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.It'
satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.Butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere'
ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andourtwentiesarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.
Butthisisn'
twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.Newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.Researcherscallthetwentiesamextendedadolescence.Journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike"
twixters"
and"
kidults"
.It'
strue.Asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.
LeonardBernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.Isn'
tthattrue?
Sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,"
Youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife?
Nothinghappens.Youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.Andthen,everyday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:
"
Iknowmyboyfriend'
snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn'
tcount.I'
mjustkillingtime."
Ortheysay,"
EverybodysaysaslongsasIgetstartedonacareerbythetimeI'
m30,I'
llbefine."
Butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:
Mytwentiesarealmostover,andIhavenothingtoshowformyself.IhadabetterresumethedayafterIgraduatedfromcollege."
Andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:
Datinginmytwentieswaslikemusicalchairs.Everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensomethingaround30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.Ididn'
twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesIthinkImarredmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30."
Wherearethetwentysomethingshere?
Donotdothat.Okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.Whenalothasbeenpushedtoyourthirties,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.Manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinourthirties.Thepostmillennialmidlifecrisisisn'
tbuyingaredsportscar.It'
srealizingyoucan'
thavethatcareeryounowwant,oryoucan*tgiveyourchildasibling.Toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheirtwenties,"
WhatwasIdoing?
WhatwasIthinking?
Iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.Here'
sastoryabouthowthatcango.It'
sastoryaboutawomannamedEmma.At25,Emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.Shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadn'
tdecidedyet,soshe'
dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.Becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.Andashardashertwentieswere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.Sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,"
Youcan'
tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends."
Welloneday,Emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.She'
djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe'
dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe'
dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords"
Incaseofemergency,pleasecall...Shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,"
Who'
sgoingtobethereformeifIgetinacarwreck?
Who'
sgoingtotakecareofmeifIhavecancer?
Nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingIhadnottosay,nIwill."
ButwhatEmmaneededwasn'
tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.Emmaneededabetterlife,andIknewthiswasherchance.IhadlearnedtoomuchsinceIfirstworkedwithAlextojustsittherewhileEmma'
sdefiningdecadewentparadingby.
Sooverthenextweeksandmonths,ItoldEmmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.
First,ItoldEmmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.Bygetidentitycapital,Imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.Dosomethingthat'
saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.Ididn'
tknowthefutureofEmma'
scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butIdoknowthis:
Identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.Sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.I'
mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butIamdiscountingexplorationthafsnotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.Thafsprocrastination.ItoldEmmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.
Second,ItoldEmmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.Bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.Thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.Newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.Soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.Buthalfaren'
t,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.Halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighbor'
sbossishowyougetthatunpostedjob.Ifsnotcheating.It'
sthescienceofhowinformationspreads.
Lastbutnotleast,Emmabelievedthatyoucan'
tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.Nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonEmmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.ItoldEmmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.Nowyouma
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