The Dog and the Playlet.docx
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The Dog and the Playlet.docx
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TheDogandthePlaylet
TheDogandthePlaylet
UsuallyitisacolddayinJulywhenyoucanstrollupBroadwayinthatmonthandgetastoryoutofthedrama.Ifoundoneafewbreathless,parboilingdaysago,anditseemstodecideaseriousquestioninart.
TherewasnotasoulleftinthecityexceptHollisandme--andtwoorthreemillionsunworshipperswhoremainedatdesksandcounters.Theelecthadfledtoseashore,lake,andmountain,andhadalreadybeguntodrawforadditionalfunds.EveryeveningHollisandIprowledaboutthedesertedtownsearchingforcoolnessinemptycafes,dining-rooms,androofgardens.WeknewtothetenthpartofarevolutionthespeedofeveryelectricfaninGotham,andwefollowedtheswiftestastheyvaried.Hollis'sfiancee.MissLorisSherman,hadbeenintheAdirondacks,atLowerSaranacLake,foramonth.Inanotherweekhewouldjoinherpartythere.Inthemeantime,hecursedthecitycheerfullyandoptimistically,andsoughtmysocietybecauseIsufferedhimtoshowmeherphotographduringtheblackcoffeeeverytimewedinedtogether.
Myrevengewastoreadtohimmyone-actplay.
Itwasoneinsufferableeveningwhentheoverplusoftheday'sheatwasbeinghurledquiveringlybacktotheheavensbyeverysurchargedbrickandstoneandinchofironinthepantingtown.Butwiththecunningofthetwo-leggedbeastswehadfoundanoasiswherethehoofsofApollo'ssteedhadnotbeenallowedtostrike.Ourseatswereonanoceanofcool,polishedoak;thewhitelinenoffiftydesertedtablesflappedlikeseagullsintheartificialbreeze;amileawayawaiterlingeredforaheliographicsignal--wemighthaveroaredsongsthereorfoughtaduelwithoutmolestation.
OutcameMissLoris'sphotowiththecoffee,andIoncemorepraisedtheelegantpoiseoftheneck,theextremelylow-coiledmassofheavyhair,andtheeyesthatfollowedone,likethoseinanoilpainting.
"She'sthegreatestever,"saidHollis,withenthusiasm."GoodasGreatNorthernPreferred,andadispositionbuiltlikeawatch.OneweekmoreandI'llbehappyJonny-on-the-spot.OldTomTolliver,mybestcollegechum,wentuptheretwoweeksago.HewritesmethatLorisdoesn'ttalkaboutanythingbutme.Oh,IguessRipVanWinkledidn'thaveallthegoodluck!
"
"Yes,yes,"saidI,hurriedly,pullingoutmytypewrittenplay."She'snodoubtacharminggirl.Now,here'sthatlittlecurtain-raiseryoupromisedtolistento."
"Everbeentriedonthestage?
"askedHollis.
"Notexactly,"Ianswered."IreadhalfofittheotherdaytoafellowwhosebrotherknowsRobertEdeson;buthehadtocatchatrainbeforeIfinished."
"Goon,"saidHollis,slidingbackinhischairlikeagoodfellow."I'mnostagecarpenter,butI'lltellyouwhatIthinkofitfromafirst-rowbalconystandpoint.I'matheatrebugduringtheseason,andIcansizeupafakeplayalmostasquickasthegallerycan.Flagthewaiteroncemore,andthengoaheadashardasyoulikewithit.I'llbethedog."
Ireadmylittleplaylovingly,and,Ifear,notwithoutsomeelocution.TherewasonesceneinitthatIbelievedingreatly.Thecomedyswiftlyrisesintothrillingandunexpectedlydevelopeddrama.Capt.Marchmontsuddenlybecomescognizantthathiswifeisanunscrupulousadventuress,whohasdeceivedhimfromthedayoftheirfirstmeeting.Therapidandmortalduelbetweenthemfromthatmoment--shewithhermagnificentliesandsirencharm,windingabouthimlikeaserpent,tryingtorecoverherlostground;hewithhisman'sagonyandscornandlostfaith,tryingtotearherfromhisheart.ThatsceneIalwaysthoughtwasacrackerjack.WhenCapt.MarchmontdiscoversherduplicitybyreadingonablotterinamirrortheimpressionofanotethatshehaswrittentotheCount,heraiseshishandtoheavenandexclaims:
"OGod,whocreatedwomanwhileAdamslept,andgavehertohimforacompanion,takebackThygiftandreturninsteadthesleep,thoughitlastforever!
"
"Rot,"saidHollis,rudely,whenIhadgiventhoselineswithproperemphasis.
"Ibegyourpardon!
"Isaid,assweetlyasIcould.
"Comenow,"wentonHollis,"don'tbeanidiot.Youknowverywellthatnobodyspoutsanystufflikethatthesedays.Thatsketchwentalongallrightuntilyourangintheskyrockets.Cutoutthatright-armexerciseandtheAdamandEvestunt,andmakeyourcaptaintalkasyouorIorBillJoneswould."
"I'lladmit,"saidI,earnestly(formytheorywasbeingtouchedupon),"thatonallordinaryoccasionsallofususecommonplacelanguagetoconveyourthoughts.Youwillrememberthatuptothemomentwhenthecaptainmakeshisterriblediscoveryallthecharactersonthestagetalkprettymuchastheywould,inreallife.ButIbelievethatIamrightinallowinghimlinessuitabletothestrongandtragicsituationintowhichhefalls."
"Tragic,myeye!
"saidmyfriend,irreverently."InShakespeare'sdayhemighthavesputteredoutsomehigh-cockalorumnonsenseofthatsort,becauseinthosedaystheyorderedhamandeggsinblankverseanddischargedthecookwithanepic.ButnotforB'wayinthesummerof1905!
"
"Itismyopinion,"saidI,"thatgreathumanemotionsshakeupourvocabularyandleavethewordsbestsuitedtoexpressthemontop.Asuddenviolentgrieforlossordisappointmentwillbringexpressionsoutofanordinarymanasstrongandsolemnanddramaticasthoseusedinfictionoronthestagetoportraythoseemotions."
"That'swhereyoufellowsarewrong,"saidHollis."Plain,every-daytalkiswhatgoes.Yourcaptainwouldverylikelyhavekickedthecat,litacigar,stirredupahighball,andtelephonedforalawyer,insteadofgettingoffthoseRobertMantellpyrotechnics."
"Possibly,alittlelater,"Icontinued."Butjustatthetime--justastheblowisdelivered,ifsomethingScripturalortheatricalanddeep-tonguedisn'twrungfromamaninspiteofhismodernandpracticalwayofspeaking,thenI'mwrong."
"Ofcourse,"saidHollis,kindly,"you'vegottowhoopherupsomedegreesforthestage.Theaudienceexpectsit.WhenthevillainkidnapslittleEffieyouhavetomakehermotherclawsomechunksoutoftheatmosphere,andscream:
"Mechee-ild,mechee-ild!
"Whatshewouldactuallydowouldbetocallupthepoliceby'phone,ringforsomestrongtea,andgetthelittledarling'sphotoout,readyforthereporters.Whenyougetyourvillaininacorner--astagecorner--it'sallrightforhimtoclaphishandtohisforeheadandhiss:
"Allislost!
"Offthestagehewouldremark:
"Thisisaconspiracyagainstme--Ireferyoutomylawyers.'"
"Igetnoconsolation,"saidI,gloomily,"fromyourconcessionofanaccentuatedstagetreatment.InmyplayIfondlyhopedthatIwasfollowinglife.Ifpeopleinreallifemeetgreatcrisesinacommonplaceway,theyshoulddothesameonthestage."
Andthenwedrifted,liketwotrout,outofourcoolpoolinthegreathotelandbegantonibblelanguidlyatthegayfliesintheswiftcurrentofBroadway.Andourquestionofdramaticartwasunsettled.
Wenibbledattheflies,andavoidedthehooks,aswisetroutdo;butsoonthewearinessofManhattaninsummerovercameus.Ninestoriesup,facingthesouth,wasHollis'sapartment,andwesoonsteppedintoanelevatorboundforthatcoolerhaven.
Iwasfamiliarinthosequarters,andquicklymyplaywasforgotten,andIstoodatasideboardmixingthings,withcrackediceandglassesallaboutme.Abreezefromthebaycameinthewindowsnotaltogetherblightedbytheasphaltfurnaceoverwhichithadpassed.Hollis,whistlingsoftly,turnedoveralate-arrivedletterortwoonhistable,anddrewaroundthecoolestwickerarmchairs.
IwasjustmeasuringtheVermouthcarefullywhenIheardasound.Someman'svoicegroanedhoarsely:
"False,oh,God!
--false,andLoveisalieandfriendshipbutthebywordofdevils!
"
Ilookedaroundquickly.Hollislayacrossthetablewithhisheaddownuponhisoutstretchedarms.Andthenhelookedupatmeandlaughedinhisordinarymanner.
Iknewhim--hewaspokingfunatmeaboutmytheory.Anditdidseemsounnatural,thoseswellingwordsduringourquietgossip,thatIhalfbegantobelieveIhadbeenmistaken--thatmytheorywaswrong.
Hollisraisedhimselfslowlyfromthetable.
"Youwererightaboutthattheatricalbusiness,oldman,"hesaid,quietly,ashetossedanotetome.
Ireadit.
LorishadrunawaywithTomTolliver.
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