道菲尔太太MrsDoubtfire.docx
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道菲尔太太MrsDoubtfire.docx
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道菲尔太太MrsDoubtfire
MrsDoubtfirescript
Salutations,snack.
Onsecondthought...
9-1-1!
Police!
Civicauthorities!
ASPCA!
ASAP!
Murder!
Betrayal!
Kidnapped!
No,birdnapped!
Acupofgarlic,atwistofparakeet.
Eatyourheartout,JuliaChild.
Excuseme,butisn'titcustomaryforthejailbirdtogetonetelephonecall?
Inyourcase,Ithinknot.
Afternoonsnackshavefewcivilliberties.
ButI'mnotwhollywithoutheart.
Howaboutanicesoothingcigarette?
Oh,Iwillnotdothis.Icannot!
Oh,whatafoulwayforabirdtodie!
Idon'twanttogetbeakcancer.
No!
Mylungsareblackened!
Herewegoagain.Cut,cut,cut!
Rollitback.
-Helpme...-Whatareyoudoing?
Daniel...
Thatlineisnotinthescript.Whydidyouaddit?
-Iwantedtocommentonthesituation.-Whatsituation?
ShovingacigaretteintoPudgie'smouthismorallyirresponsible.
Thisisacartoon,notafriggin'OprahWinfreySpecial.
Lou,millionsofkidsseethiscartoon.It'sliketellingthem"Lightup."
Youcan'tputwordsinPudgie'smouthifhismouthisn'tmoving.
It'svoice-over.Aninteriormonologue.MaybeeventhevoiceofGod.
Pudgie,don'tsmoke.
-Actors.-What?
Let'saskthetechnicians.
Doyouthinkit'smorallyrighttopromotesmokingtotheyouthofAmerica?
-They'rebiased.That'samistrial.-Thissessioncoststhestudiothousands.
Ifyouwantapaycheck,sticktothescript.
IfyouwanttoplayGandhi,thendoitonsomebodyelse'stime.
ThenI'vegottodowhatI'vegottodo.
That'sveryfunny.Wherethehellareyougoin'?
Ifyouleave,you'renotcomin'backin.
I'mnottakin'anycrapfromyou,pal.
Well,inthewordsofPorkyPig:
Pissoff,Lou.
-Sowhataboutthathistorytest?
-Don'task.
-Didyouhavefuninschool?
-Ipaintedapictureofarainbow.
-Dad?
-Daddy!
Daddy!
-Ithoughtyoucouldn'tpickusup.-Well,Igotoffearly.
-Youmeanyougotfired?
-No,Iquit.Forreasonsofconscience.
Actors.
Dude,congratulationsonyour12thbirthday.Gotasurpriseforya.
-Astripper?
-Ooh,please!
-Twostrippers?
-Hoo-hah,boy!
-Aparty?
-Yes!
No.Noparties.
Momsaidyoucouldn'thaveonebecauseofyourreportcard.
Mom'snotgonnabehomeforanotherfourhours,isshe?
Prepareyourself...forthewildkingdom.
Cominguptowardtheveryend.Thereshegoes.Andshewinsthatrace.
Comeonoffnow.Herewego.
Youwanttofeedhim?
Seeifthisguywill.
Sorry.
Getout!
-Gregory,HendersonandHillard.-MirandaHillard,please.
Iknowwhatyou'regoingforwiththesemurals,butperhapsiftheyweren'tsolarge.
Andlet'sdosteelwindows,notwood.
EliminatetheOrientalrug.Let'stryanAubussoncarpet.
-Morepinkthanred.-Goodidea.
UnionSquareInn.Thisisbetter.
MoreArtsandCrafts.ADirkVanErplamp,aStickleychair.Don'tbeseducedbychintz.
Excuseme.Miranda,canIspeaktoyouforaminute?
-Yes.Excuseme.-Certainly.
Justbeoneminute.
IjustgotoffthephonewithaStuartDunmeyer.
-StuartDunmeyer?
-Hesaidyouwereacquaintances.
StuartDunmeyer?
He'sputtingmillionsintorestoringtheoldWellmanmansiononNobHill.
-Hewantstomakeitintoa$500-a-nightB&B.-Yes,Ireadaboutit.
-He'sbeendoingverywell.-That'shim.
Andhespecificallyaskedforyou,Miranda.
Hedid?
-Itoldhimyou'dcallfirstthingtomorrow.-Yes,Iwill.
MissHillard?
TheoperatorhasaGloriaChaneyonhold.
-Shesaysit'sanemergency.-Excuseme.
Gloria?
-Oh,myGod!
-Isthisyourresidence,ma'am?
Yes,I'msorrytosayitis.
Areyouawareit'sillegaltopossessbarnyardanimalsinaresidentialarea?
-Whatifyou'remarriedtoone?
-We'realsorespondingtoanoiseviolation.
I'mgoingtorespondmyself.I'mawfullysorryaboutthis.
Youatemybegonias!
God!
Getoutofmyway!
Miranda!
Whassup?
You'rehomeearly,girlfriend.
Havin'abirthdayinthehouse.
Whatthehellisgoingonaroundhere?
Don'tgetmad,honey.Listen.
You'rehomealittleearly.Iwasgonnacleanitallupbeforeyougothome.
Honey...Whatareyoulookingfor?
I'dbecareful.Thatponyhadalotofwater.
Party'sover.
Shecalledyouandyoubustthebirthdayparty.Great!
Don'tyoudaremakemeouttobethemonsterhere,Daniel!
YouhaveallthefunandIgetwhatever'sleftover.
-Youchosethecareer.-Ihavenochoiceshere.Ihavenochoices!
EvenwhenItrytodosomethingfun,youdoittentimesbigger!
Ibringhomeacakeandgifts.YoubringthegoddamnSanDiegoZoo!
-AndIhavetocleanup!
-It'snottoxicwaste,justafewpartyplates!
WhyamItheonlyonethatfeelstherehastoberules?
Whydoyoualwaysmakemeouttobetheheavy?
Idon't.Youdoityourselfquitenaturally.
-Yousetmeupeverytimetobethebadguy.-Oh,lightenup,willya?
Youspendtoomuchtimewiththosecorporateclonesyouusedtodespise.
Ispendtoomuchtimewithyou,Daniel.It'sover!
It'sover.
Comeon,Miranda.We'vegotproblems,butwhodoesn't?
Wecouldwork'emout.
We'vebeentryingtoworkthemoutfor14years.
Comeon,please.Listen.Maybeweneedsomehelp,OK?
Maybeafamilytherapistwillhelpusdothistogether.
It'stoolateforthat.
Well,let'stakeavacationwiththekids,asafamily.Getyouawayfromwork.
You'readifferentperson.Youreallyare.You'regreat.
Ourproblemswouldbewaitingforuswhenwegotback.
We'llmove,andhopefullyourproblemswon'tfollowus.
Daniel,pleasedon'tjoke.
OK.
We'vejustgrownapart.We'redifferent.
-Wehavenothingincommon.-Oh,surewedo.Weloveeachother.
Comeon,Miranda.Weloveeachother.
Don'twe?
Iwantadivorce.
No.
Wecan't.We'reafamily.Youknow?
I'msosorry.
Yeah,Ma,hetoldmeallaboutit.
Yeah,Ma.Iheard,Iheard.
-Well,yeah,he'shere.-No.
Ma,he'snotreallyinthemoodtotalk.
Yeah,depressed.Imean,hismarriageisending.
Mymarriageisnotending.It'sjustonhiatus.
Ma,Ithinkhe'sinalittlebitofdenial.
No,we'retakinggoodcareofyourlittleboy.Don'tworry,Mom.
-Hi,Evelyn.Thanksforthejam.-Shesaysyou'rewelcome.
Thatbeigeconcealer.Whenarewegettin'moreofit?
-Nextweek.-Youhearthat,Ma?
Nextweek.
Wait,hangon.
-Enoughalready.It'saman.-Howwouldyouknow?
Bitch.
No,Ma,notyou.Iwastalkin'aboutthedog.
Ma,listen.Wegotpeoplewaitin'forusontheset.
Oh,yeah.It'sabusylife,Ma.Placestogo,facestopaint.
Yeah,I'lltellhim,Ma.
Don'tworry,I'lltellhim.
Yeah.Holdon,Ma.
Shewantstoknowifyouwanttocomestaywithher.
-Noway.-Hesayshe'llthinkaboutit,Ma.
Iwill.Allright.Iloveyou,too.
Bye,Ma.
Hey,listen,youknowyoucanalwaysstaywithusjustaslongasyouwant.
Thankyou,butI'mOK,really.Imean,thisisjustatemporarything.
IknowMiranda.It'sgonnablowover.
MrandMrsHillard,althoughthesecustodyproceedingstendtofavorthemother,
wealsorealize,perhapsnowmorethanever,thatitisnotinachild'sbestinterest
todeprivehimorherofanobviouslylovingfather.
However,sinceatthepresenttimeMrHillardhasnoplacetoliveandnoemployment,
itisthecourt'srulingtoawardsolecustodytoMrsHillard.
-Congratulations.-No.
MrHillardwillhavevisitationrightseverySaturday.
-Can'tyoudosomething?
-He'smadehisdecision.
Isn'tittraditionaltosay"Iobject"orsomething?
YourHonor,please.
EverySaturday?
That'sonedayaweek.
That'snotenough.
Ihavetobewithmychildren.It'snotaquestion.Ihavetobewiththem,sir.Please.
Iknowitseemslikealot,butformeit'snotenough.Really.
Ihaven'tbeenawayfrom'emformorethanonedaysincethedaytheywereborn.
-MrHillard,thisrulingisonlytemporary.-Oh,good.
Iwillassignacourtliaisontooverseeyourcase.
Therewillbeacontinuanceoftheseproceedingsin90days.
-I'mgivingyouthreemonths,MrHillard.-Thankyou.
Threemonthsinwhichtogetajob,keepitandcreateasuitablehome.
Ifthisprovestobeapossibilityforyou,
Iwillconsiderajoint-custodyarrangementwhenwereconvene.We'readjourned.
Well,itlookslikethereisalittlelightattheendofourtunnel.
-That'sallmystuff.-Thisisallmyfault.
God,no.Whywouldyouthinkthat?
Ishouldhaveneverhadabirthday,Dad.
-Thisneverwouldhavehappened.-Yes,itwould.
Itwasanaccidentwaitingtohappen,OK?
Youdidnothingwrong.Yougotthat?
OK,gimmefive.
You'rethemanofthehousenow.
Don'tbemessy.
-Youcan'tgonow.-Honey,Ihaveto.
We'reinthemiddleofCharlotte'sWeb.Who'sgonnafinishit?
Well,Grandmawillfinishitforyou.
She'snotasgood.Shealwaysskipsparts,andsheneverdoesthevoices.
Shesmellsfunny,too.
That'stheformaldehyde.That'swhyGranny'ssowellpreserved.
Hey,comehere.
It'sthesameasalways.Wejusthaveareallybigbackyard,OK?
-Iloveyou.-Iloveyou.
I'llmissyou.Saturdaycomesrealquick.
-I'llmissyou.-Ditto.
Oh,Dad...
-Takecareofher.-OK.
Goodbye.
Thanksforthetime,warden.
Bye,Dad.
Asyourcourtliaison,Iwillbelookingattwothings.
-Yourlivingenvironment...-It'smorelikeahabitat,really.
AndIwillbecomingbyonMondayandFridayeveningstoinspectit.
Well,I'llputonachicken.
Andthere'salwaysthejobissue.
Thisisthenearestemploymentoffice.Itookthelibertyofmakinganappointmentforyou.
-Thankyou.-Bytheway,doyouhaveanyspecialskills?
Oh,yes.Ido.
Idovoices.
Whatdoyoumean,youdovoices?
Well,Idovoices.
Yes!
We'relo
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