1、 consulting room 诊疗室 Dr. Smith is a good one, the friend told him.Is he expensive? the businessman asked.Ali Baba could hardly believe what he had seen! He did not dare to climb down from his treethe thieves might come out at any moment and find him. He waited a long time.Yes and no. He charges five
2、 hundred dollars for the first visit, but only twenty-five dollars for each visit after that.That seems reasonable, the businessman said, and went to visit Dr. Smith.As he walked into the consulting room, he said, Well, here I am again. and put twenty-five dollars on the table.The doctor looked at t
3、he businessman carefully for a moment, then smiled and put the money into the drawer of his desk. Thank you, he said. And what can I do for you today?Examine me, of course, the businessman said, and tell me whats wrong with me.Oh, theres no need for me to examine you again, the doctor said. Just con
4、tinue taking the medicine I prescribed to you when you came to me last time.2. TextInfo Box1. QuackA quack is a fraudulent or ignorant pretender to medical skill or a person who pretends, professionally or publicly, to have skill, knowledge, or qualifications he or she does not possess. The word qua
5、ck derives from the archaic word quacksalver of Dutch origin, meaning boaster who uses a salve. In the Middle Ages the word meant shouting. The quacksalvers sold their wares on the market shouting in a loud voice.2. Medical LaboratoryA medical laboratory or clinical laboratory is a laboratory where
6、tests are done on clinical specimens in order to get information about the health of a patient. Laboratory tests are an integral part of the workup of any patient, and constitute up to 80% of a physicians diagnosis and treatment choice. In many countries, there are two main types of labs that proces
7、s the majority of medical specimens. Hospital laboratories are attached to a hospital, and perform tests on patients. Private （or community） laboratories receive samples from general practitioners, insurance companies, and other health clinics for analysis. These can also be called reference laborat
8、ories where more unusual and obscure tests are performed.As medical technology advances, doctors are able to get more and more tests done in shorter and shorter amounts of time. While in the past a doctor might order a potassium （钾） and glucose （葡萄糖） and it would take hours for the results, now a do
9、ctor can order a full chemistry panel of 20 or more different analytes （被分析化学物） and get the results within an hour. The results are also much more accurate and reliable now than in the past.A Doctor or a Quack? 医生还是江湖郎中？1 The modern doctors business is an extremely simple one, which could be acquire
10、d in about two weeks. This is the way it is done. 2 The patient enters the consulting room. Doctor, he says, I have a bad pain.Where is it?Here.Stand up, says the doctor, and put your arms up above your head. Then the doctor goes behind the patient and strikes him a powerful blow on the back. Do you
11、 feel that? he says.I do, says the patient. Then the doctor turns suddenly and lets him have a left hook under the heart. Can you feel that? he says viciously, as the patient falls over on the sofa in a heap. Get up, says the doctor, and counts ten. The patient rises. The doctor looks him over very
12、carefully without speaking, and then suddenly fetches him a blow in the stomach that doubles him up speechless. The doctor walks over to the window and reads the morning paper for a while. Presently he turns and begins to mutter more to himself than to the patient. Hum!theres a slight anaesthesia of
13、 the tympanum.Is that so? says the patient, in an agony of fear. What can I do about it, doctor?Well,I want you to keep very quiet; youll have to go to bed and stay there and keep quiet. In reality, of course, the doctor hasnt the least idea what is wrong with the man; but he DOES know that if he wi
14、ll go to bed and keep quiet, awfully quiet, hell either get quietly well again or else die a quiet death. Meantime, if the doctor calls every morning and thumps and beats him, he can keep the patient submissive and perhaps force him to confess what is wrong with him. 3 What about diet, doctor? says
15、the patient, completely cowed. 4 The answer to this question varies very much. It depends on how the doctor is feeling and whether it is long since he had a meal himself. If it is late in the morning and the doctor is extremely hungry, he says, Oh, eat plenty, dont be afraid of it; eat meat, vegetab
16、les, starch, glue, cement, anything you like.But if the doctor has just had lunch and if his breathing is short-circuited with huckleberry pie, he says very firmly, No, I dont want you to eat anything at all, absolutely not a bite; it wont hurt you, a little self-denial in the matter of eating is th
17、e best thing in the world.5 And what about drinking? Again the doctors answer varies. He may say, Oh, yes, you might drink a glass of lager now and then, or, if you prefer it, a gin and soda or a whisky, and I think before going to bed Id take a hot Scotch with a couple of lumps of white sugar and b
18、it of lemon peel in it. The doctor says this with real feeling, and his eyes glisten with the pure love of his profession. But if, on the other hand, the doctor has spent the night before at a little gathering of medical friends, he is very apt to forbid the patient to touch alcohol in any shape, an
19、d to dismiss the subject with great severity. 6 Of course, this treatment in and of itself would appear too transparent, and would fail to inspire the patient with proper confidence. But nowadays this element is supplied by the work of the analytical laboratory. Whatever is wrong with the patient, t
20、he doctor insists on snipping off parts and pieces and extracts of him and sending them mysteriously away to be analyzed. He cuts off a lock of the patients hair, and marks it, Mr. Smiths Hair, October, 2001. Then he clips off the lower part of the ear, and wraps it in paper, and labels it, Part of
21、Mr. Smiths Ear, October, 2001.Then he looks the patient up and down, with the scissors in his hand, and if he sees any likely part of him he clips it off and wraps it up. Now this, oddly enough, is the very thing that fills the patient up with that sense of personal importance which is worth paying
22、for. Yes, says the bandaged patient, later in the day to a group of friends much impressed, the doctor thinks there may be a slight anaesthesia of the tympanum, but hes sent my ear to New York and my appendix to Baltimore and a lock of my hair to the editors of all the medical journals, and meantime
23、 I am to keep very quiet and not exert myself beyond drinking a hot Scotch with lemon every half-hour. With that he sinks back faintly on his cushions, luxuriously happy. 7 And yet, isnt it funny? 8 You and I and the rest of useven if we know all thisas soon as we have a pain within us, rush for a d
24、octor as fast as a hack can take us. Yes, personally, I even prefer an ambulance with a bell on it. Its more soothing. 1 现在干医生这一行非常简单，大约只需两个礼拜就能学会。下面就是医生怎么看病的。 2 病人走进诊室，对医生说：“医生，我痛死了！” 医生问：“哪里痛？”“这里。”医生说：“站起来，把胳膊举过头。”随后，医生走到病人背后，在他的后背猛击了一下。医生问：“感觉到痛了吗？”病人答道：“感觉到了。”医生又突然转过来，在他心脏下方来了一记左钩拳。病人倒在沙发上，瘫作一团
25、，医生却恶狠狠地问：“这样痛不痛？起来。”医生边说边从一数到十。病人就站了起来。医生仔细地观察着他，一言不发。然后突然在他的腹部捶了一拳，使他痛得弯下身去，说不出话来。医生则走到窗户边，读了一会晨报。没一会儿，他转过身来，不像是对病人说话，更像自言自语：“哦，是轻度中耳炎。”“是这样吗？”病人问道，感到无比恐惧。“医生，我该怎么做呢？“你要保持安静；你必须躺在床上，保持安静。”当然，其实呢，医生根本不知道病人的问题出在哪儿，但他明白，只要病人愿意躺在床上并保持安静，而且是非常的安静，那他要么在不知不觉中康复，要么就会静悄悄地死去。同时，如果医生每天早上都去走访病人，揍他一顿，就能让他乖乖听话，
26、或许还能迫使他承认自己得了什么病。 3 病人完全被吓住了，问道：“医生，饮食方面要注意什么？” 4 对这个问题有多种回答，这取决于医生当时的情绪，以及距他自己上次吃饭的时间。如果在接近中午时，医生已经很饿了，他便会说：“哦，别害怕，多吃点；肉、蔬菜、淀粉、胶水、水泥，想吃啥就吃啥。” 但如果他刚刚吃过午饭，嘴里还喷着一股浓浓的黑果派的味道，他就会语气坚决地说：“不，别吃任何东西，一口都不能吃；这对你没有坏处，因为在饮食方面稍加克制是世界上最美好的事。 5 病人问：“那喝酒呢？”同样，医生的答案也会有很多种。他可能会说：“噢，可以，偶尔来一杯陈啤，或者你喜欢的话，喝一杯加苏打水的杜松子酒，或者威
27、士忌。我想，在睡觉之前我更喜欢来一杯苏格兰热巧克力威士忌，再加上几块方糖和几片柠檬。”医生讲到这些的时候非常兴奋，眼睛闪闪发光，充满了对自己职业由衷的热爱。但是如果医生前一晚参加了一伙医生朋友的聚会，他就会禁止病人碰任何形式的酒精，并且严厉地拒谈这一话题。 6 当然，这种治疗本身太容易令人起疑，因而无法激起病人应有的信心。但是如今有化验室可以帮助做到这一点。无论病人得了什么病，医生都会坚持从他身上切割下这样或那样零零碎碎的东西，然后神神秘秘地送去化验。比如，医生会剪掉病人的一缕头发并做上标记：“史密斯先生的头发，2001年10月”。然后，医生切掉病人耳朵的下部，用纸包起来并做上标记：“史密斯先
28、生的部分耳朵，2001年10月”。医生从上到下仔细打量病人，手里拿着剪刀，只要看到任何疑似跟病情有关的地方，就会从病人身上剪去，并包起来。奇怪的是，这种做法却令病人觉得自己很受重视，因而值得为此花钱。当天稍晚的时候，包扎着绷带的病人对大为惊叹的朋友们说：“是的，医生认为可能是轻度中耳炎，他已经将我的耳朵送到纽约，把阑尾送到巴尔的摩，把一缕头发送到所有医学杂志的编辑手上，同时我必须保持安静，每半小时顶多喝一杯加柠檬的苏格兰热巧克力威士忌。”说着，他虚弱地向后靠在垫子上，舒舒服服，心满意足。 7 然而，这一切难道还不滑稽吗？ 8 虽然你、我和其他人对这些都很清楚，但是一旦我们有点小病小痛，还是会飞快地打车去看医生。是的，我个人甚至还更愿意坐带鸣笛的救护车去，因为这让人感觉更加安心。
